tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8908127.post8175884363059225802..comments2024-03-14T13:08:14.915-04:00Comments on So, the thing is...blog: Cognitive DissonanceBarb Matijevichhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16469997012394334517noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8908127.post-42837949123538773592014-06-24T13:36:18.958-04:002014-06-24T13:36:18.958-04:00I don't have children but I do have parents so...I don't have children but I do have parents so I will say that I suspect you are doing a better job than you think. Just by writing this thoughtful post, you are more aware and more sensitive to your relationship with your kids than most. And yes, to what SC said...very thoughtful and true.Claudia from Idiot's Kitchenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01541460586713196175noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8908127.post-44385327771073141632014-06-13T12:11:35.580-04:002014-06-13T12:11:35.580-04:00I have learned my sons have their own paths to fol...I have learned my sons have their own paths to follow and while I would have liked more independence from one and less from the other, I've got no control over it. It's their walk. smalltownmehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10857871195417461235noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8908127.post-41316677138497999772014-06-13T05:24:46.286-04:002014-06-13T05:24:46.286-04:00SC last comment here is SO wise.SC last comment here is SO wise.Gary's third pottery bloghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13517401528128108791noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8908127.post-19143462896668430772014-06-12T17:16:25.787-04:002014-06-12T17:16:25.787-04:00A wise friend once said to me, "We just need ...A wise friend once said to me, "We just need to understand that our children DO NOT want to learn from our mistakes; they will only learn from their own."Suburban Correspondenthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11488916572135296650noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8908127.post-48047104282227368702014-06-12T16:36:53.880-04:002014-06-12T16:36:53.880-04:00Do you know how many times I have explained to my ...Do you know how many times I have explained to my son that I don't want him to make my mistakes? He has looked at me and said" We are not the same person". But I did not hear him, I heard only my fear talking.You put things into perspective so well and I am very grateful. As I type, I am getting my sons application forms ready for various high schools. I am terrified I will make the wrong choice and he will somehow suffer because of it, but he tells me he knows which one he wants to attend even though I have my reservations because it would not be MY choice. Your article in timeous !! I will apply to the one he wants to attend and support him in his journey.Great article, Barb! ps. I loved how Sri Dharma Mittra referred to his son as friend.Such a healing thought when most consider a grown child's departure a loss.<br />pps.just keep writing please!the distracted painterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03215830406391462042noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8908127.post-79268584307615777702014-06-12T15:39:42.947-04:002014-06-12T15:39:42.947-04:00No, Tanita, I must not have done it justice. The ...No, Tanita, I must not have done it justice. The way he said "friend"--it was so lovely. There was no ownership there, no wry, "My kid stuck us with his dog." It really stayed with me. This calm acknowledgement that a friend had been entrusted to their care, and when the time was right, he moved out. I hope I can let my own kids go with such grace. Barb Matijevichhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16469997012394334517noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8908127.post-4051012494598262252014-06-12T14:36:25.083-04:002014-06-12T14:36:25.083-04:00While I take Sri Dharma Mittra's point about t...While I take Sri Dharma Mittra's point about the fluidity of the relationship he wants to have with his child, I would feel deeply rejected if my mother ever casually referred to me as 'a friend who used to live with us.'<br /><br />(My father can refer to me as a random dog-owner, though; this would be an improvement.)<br /><br />Having no children, I can't empathize fully, but I do will point out that even that you're thinking about this actively in the now, and not in the "they're twenty-seven, and I see all the mistakes I made" is A Good Thing. Keeping communication open so that you each know what you're attempting to do, even if it's unsuccessful, is important.tanita✿davishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01671822274852087499noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8908127.post-20105775703143835332014-06-12T13:38:30.698-04:002014-06-12T13:38:30.698-04:00No, it is not easy. There a potholes in everyday a...No, it is not easy. There a potholes in everyday and every lifetime, and the more you concentrate on missing them, you bring them right to you.<br /><br />Very good column, made me think about what I'm doing.<br /><br />Being a parent and letting go when you must become a friend is a tough call.<br /><br />Shaatienoreply@blogger.com