Friday, April 20, 2012

Evicting the Squatter

So, I had a bad pain episode.

In fact, I had the worst pain episode that I've had since I regained my health in early 2011.  We were traveling on Saturday, which entailed a lot of walking.  Then on Sunday, I took a four-hour yoga workshop with Andrei Ram where I sat on my foot for about an hour, listening. (The workshop was so transformative that I'm still processing it. More on that soon.) By Monday, I could barely place any weight on my foot.

Which, you know, is really, really bad news. I guess I thought I was done with that.  I mean, I've had other one-day pain episodes, but nothing like this.  I went to yoga, I went to acupuncture, I went back to yoga --and finally, I felt something shift (just as I went into the plow pose) and the pain began to ease.

But wow.


Just like that, the clear-coated sealant on my nerve endings wore clean off.  I felt like I was a giant exposed nerve walking around. Tiny unkindnesses undid me. I was exhausted with trying to hold it together. I could hear the pain in my voice.  I could see it in my face.

Pain is such a tricky animal, though. While I think my tolerance for pain --especially that kind of grinding, soul-sucking, relentless pain--has diminished, my coping skills have increased.  For one thing, I was able to separate out the hatred I have for that PAIN from hatred for, you know, MYSELF.  It's really easy, and I've fallen into this trap before, to hate my body for betraying me in this manner.  This time, I managed to stay kind to myself.  To visualize healing flowing to my poor, damaged foot. To have some compassion for how hard my body has been working to hang on to the joy and gratitude of my regained health.

What worked for me this time was to picture the pain like a squatter in my house that I couldn't seem to evict, and I was just watching him trash the place. (My pain is a male.  I have no idea why. I'm calling him Newt. I'm sure it's a pure coincidence. I'm sure of it.) He kept setting fires, trying to burn down all I'd built so carefully and I was trying not to panic.  I kept taking steps that I knew to be successful in evicting him the last time--yoga and acupuncture, and I even took the girls to the garden store to buy plants for this year's garden.

Finally, he left, but not without some last minute nastiness.

I went to bed at about 9:00, exhausted.  And at about midnight, I was struck by a really wretched stomach virus.  (I'm calling it Santorum...)

It's been quite a week.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Prom Queen

Spring has sprung here in Northport. It's our first spring in this house and, whoa, it's just been breathtaking.

I didn't get a picture of the front walkway when it was covered in purple hyacinths, but here it is covered in tulips.  It's like the owners of our house had a sort of fireworks ethic with regard to the bulbs --one beautiful image is replaced by another more beautiful.  It's really stunning.

And then there was this beauty.  Doesn't she look like she is waiting to go to the ball?  I think she's beautiful.  In fact, I wrote a haiku about her --not a very GOOD haiku, but I wrote one nevertheless.

My friend Liz is writing a haiku every day as part of National Poetry month.  Go check out her blog for really GOOD haikus.  Also, Tanita is rocking the haikus, too.  Meanwhile, here's my paltry contribution:

Blushing, expectant
Splendid in her finery
Dances in the breeze

It doesn't exactly say what I want, but I'm done with it because I have other, more pressing tasks at hand.


This is the future site of the Cooper Organic Vegetable Garden, Northport Edition. It's just sitting there, like a blank canvas waiting for paint. I could not BE more excited.  I can almost taste the tomatoes!

Thursday, April 05, 2012

Unsticking Myself

I haven't written in more than a month, other than the post about my daughter Ana winning a writing contest.  I don't consider a post writing about someone else's writing really substantive enough to call writing. (If you follow that.) (And if you DO follow that, could you explain it to ME?)

Anyway, for me, going that long without writing is unheard of --certainly on this blog, but I don't just mean that I haven't written on this blog in a month. I mean I haven't written ANYTHING in over a month.

Normally, I would be panicking. I'd assume depression and call my doctor to talk about medical intervention. But I'm not depressed.

And I'm not panicking. I'm actually in a very calm, centered (well, for me) place right now.

I'm just...listening.

The thing is, though, that I have things I want to do and I can't seem to...I can't seem to MOVE, dang it.  Things are percolating, but nothing seems to be HAPPENING. And listening will only take you so far toward reaching for your dreams.

Luckily, I'm friends on Facebook with this amazing writer named Christy Farr, who is a life coach and a generally very cool, positive person.  And she's offering an on-line/over-the-phone class called "Sick of Being Stuck," which is ostensibly for people with clutter issues, although those clutter issues don't necessarily have to be physical clutter issues. I don't have much physical clutter (some, but not a lot,) but I recognize that what's keeping me from going straight after my dreams is a certain amount of EMOTIONAL clutter.  I'm hoping to unstick myself through her class.

The reason I'm mentioning it is that she's offering it for only $50 if you sign up by tomorrow morning.  So, if you were thinking you needed some help getting going on decluttering or just in general, I invite you to join me!  I think it's going to be amazing and life changing. (If you don't have physical clutter issues and you sign up for the class, put "uncluttered" in the special instructions box.)

Here's to change!