The Internet is a Pit of Depravity

I have to talk about a lee-tle something that's been going on in the Blogosphere. Not that I know that much about the Blogosphere but even I, who spend most of the day trying to figure out why I walked into the room I walked into, have not been able to escape the hubbub over a tiny toy duck.

But wait, since I'm going to talk about something a tiny bit disagreeable, let me borrow a page out of the Yarn Harlot's book and show you something pretty first.

Look at the detail!

Aren't they beautiful? I finished them today while I was sitting for TWO AND A HALF FREAKING HOURS waiting for the brain trust at Wal-Mart to put tires on my van. Finished those and cast on two more pair. But this is not about THAT.

This is about this woman, Kristin, who inadvertently stole a toy duck from the Gap while shopping with her newborn and her toddler. The duck ended up in her stroller and she discovered it when she put the kids in the car. She took it home with her.

Now, you know me. I believe that there is altogether too much judging going on between mothers and that we would all do better to cut each other some slack and band together for the things all mothers want: quality education and health care for our kids, for example. But I just have to say something.

First, look at this: it's the label from that gorgeous hand-painted yarn I used on those socks.

It was the prettiest yarn I've ever used and it made it totally possible to sit in the waiting room at Wal-Mart for TWO AND A HALF HOURS, accompanied by a television with horrible reception that was tuned to some soap opera. Feast your eyes on that and then, well, look at this: isn't that lovely?



Go pour one for yourself. It's okay, I'll wait.

So, anyway, she took the toy duck home and then she wrote about it and suddenly, one of those strange Internet things happened and readers started doing the equivalent of the mob standing below the suicidal jumper and yelling, "Keep it! Who cares? Keep it!"

But a few people said, "Well, um, if you keep it, doesn't that mean you're, well, you know, STEALING? I mean, I'm just saying..." and then some other people said, "Listen, you are going straight to hell and I am not because I would never do anything like this. I don't even ever exceed the speed limit (editor's note: yeah, right --oh, sorry. Trying not to judge here.) and PLUS, I'm a better Christian than you are."

Here. Look at the cute kitty and calm down.

But THEN, see, everyone starting calling those people "holier than thou" and deriding them for being, well, honest. Actually, I think most people who are normally honest took this opportunity to lash back at those prissy people who have been making them feel bad for years now because they don't homeschool or make their own bread or breastfeed until their children get driver's licenses. And that made me really sad because even though I don't choose to do some of those things, I have loads of friends who do (well, not the breastfeeding thing --that was an exaggeration) and I think we have mutual respect. I think. I hope.
[I need to add a note here because I heard from a reader who interpreted the above paragraph to mean that I was slamming people who did those things--the bread-baking, breastfeeding, homeschooling group. Those of you who have read my stuff for years know that nothing could be further from the truth but since I have a lot of new readers, let me 'splain. *I* do some of those things, too. I'm not saying that ALL people who do those things are prissy and self-righteous. But we've all met people who are. And those people tend to be loudly critical of those who make other choices. I think some of the "Keep the Duck" people used this incident to strike back --it wasn't that they suddenly took leave of their morals. They just used the situation to send a "lighten up" message. That's all I was saying. Here look at Scout plotting where next to pee in excitement]

Anyway, I want to say something about all this because I think there's another angle that's not being discussed and that it this:

No, wait, let me tell you a funny thing first so you're not cranky. Last night, my husband told me that he's been talking to our older daughter (Ana, 9) lately about opening a bank account. She called him yesterday on his cell phone and left him a message asking how she should go about getting FDIC insurance. I totally cracked up.

And then I thought, um, just how much money has she saved anyway?

Okay, here's my point:

My thing is that I don't want to ever judge another mother. But here's a clear instance of a teachable moment, you know? She could make a field trip with her toddler to show how mistakes happen but you have to try to make them right. Because ultimately, what moral ground do you have to stand on when your child steals something for the first time if you, yourself are guilty of petty thievery?

And the other issue is this: It seems as though the people discussing this issue think it's okay for her to take this duck home because she didn't really take it on purpose and she could have paid for it if she had wanted to. But the issue of right and wrong isn't based on NEED, you know? And I really hesitate to think what would have happened and what people would have said if this had been a low-income minority woman. I doubt that everyone would be urging THAT woman to keep the duck under the pretext that it's FUNNY and the store can afford to lose $7.

I'm just saying that maybe we've lost sight of the central issue here amidst all of these slings and arrows. Taking something that doesn't belong to you is wrong, even if it happens on accident and even if you get away with it. I once accidentally shoplifted $50 worth of fish from our supermarket. I had Jane in her carrier seat and the fish got wedged underneath it and I didn't see it until I got out to the car. I didn't go back in right then but I DID take all the label of the fish with me the next time I went to that store and had them ring it up so I could pay for it. (The clerk looked at me like I was some sort of idiot but dude, my brain is too full to add more unnecessary guilt.)

I'm not preaching and I'm not judging but I am saying, "Do the right thing and take the duck back. Or pay for it." It's not that big a deal, unless you factor in the cost of your character.

Look, here's a picture of me from 1996 in a cow costume.