Jane Writes Humor

So, yesterday, Jane (8) started a new story on the computer upstairs. She kept making herself laugh, so she would copy down snippets from her story
and come downstairs to read them to me. (I don't mean to say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree but when I was writing the blog post about our unfortunate symbol in Christmas lights, I was laughing out loud.) At any rate, I'm just warning you that when I read this I was eating my breakfast and cereal almost came out of my nose.


The Amazing Night

By Jane Cooper


Table of continents:
1. The animals that are out at night
2. Learn about the night
3. Certain nights
4. Reminder
5. There are some rules in this book, you know.
6. A note from the author
7. About the Author


The animals that are out at night

There are a lot of animals out, at night. Let me get this straight. I am NOT going to list all of them. Okay, let’s move on.

Raccoons

Raccoons are a very fierce part of nature. There are MILLIONS in the world. You may think a raccoon to be fuzzy and cuddly. Most of all, you think a raccoon to be a GREAT pet. NO, you are really wrong. Raccoons are very fierce and mean. Stay away from any raccoons you see. If a raccoon is sick, or badly injured, you may need to get an adult to take it to a vet.

Moles
NOTE: Moles are also out in the day.

I must say Moles are quite fascinating. Moles are mysterious little balls of fur that live UNDERGROUND. Please do not be startled, or scared, of our Moles. Moles are VERY rare sights to see. Just last year I saw a Mole scampering across the yard and turned into a star. Kidding! He just RAN and I mean RAN into the woods. He was chubby. Moles are slow runners. So don’t catch one, or you’ll be repaid by Bandages.

Owls

In the night Owls come out. They hide from you in the day. Owls cry one word, WHO… WHO… WHO… Owls are very sad Birds. There is a saying…they wanted to be out at night and had a Lon-n-n-n-n-g neck, with red feathers. But today they are the colors of the Earth, and have NO neck at all.
Watch out for The Owl.


Learn About the Night

NO. Let’s learn about the night LATER. And I MEAN it. First a note. PLEASE DO NOT EVER CLOSE THISE BOOK IN THE MITTLE OF READING IT! Okay, let’s move on.


Night

The night is made out of different chemicals in the atmosphere. Night comes when the earth is tired of looking at the sun and turns away. Kidding! The sun has had 12 hours of turning a little foot an hour. The sun sets at about 5:00 PM. Be kind to the night. Be thankful that it lets you get some sleep for once.

Certain Nights

Certain nights are difficult to explain. We will start this Chapter in a minute or two. Please stand by.

Okay, I’m ready let’s move on.


We now start certain Nights.

Well, first of all, certain nights only come in certain PLACES. For example… in Alaska, the sun only comes up for… hmmm… five minutes a day.

We are now DONE with this chapter.


Reminder

Remember how I told you to ever, NOT EVER put this book down while not finished? Well… That’s the Reminder for today.

Moving on now.

There are some rules in this book you know.

Rule number 1: BUY THIS BOOK!
Rule number 2: BUY AT LEASET 3 COPIES OF THIS BOOK!!
Rule number three: THIS IS THE ONLY STUDYING BOOK FOR YOU, FROM NOW ON.
We are now done with this book. Please put it down and read it again.
Thank You!!
The End This is page: 10


A note from the auther
Thank you very much for reading this wonderful book. It has some silly parts in it, but over all, I want to know what you think of my ideas. Read the next page and find out where I live. You can E-mail me at Gmail.com! Thank you again!

From,
The author,

Jane Cooper


About the author

Jane Cooper is 8 years old, and lives in a new house in Huntington NY. This is only her first book, she will right many more! Look for books at your school library, and find out more information about Jane. Jane will soon be older and able to write R rated books. Read this book about her, and I MEAN IT.

The above is an unabridged and unchanged work and all of it is copyrighted by Jane Cooper. I wouldn't mess with her if I were you. Moving on...

Comments

Ei said…
Oh dear...Jane...writes...R RATED material.


Skeered.
Kathy said…
That is the best....


AND I MEAN IT!
Stefanie said…
This will save a lot of money, because I won't have to spend $500 on textbooks next semester. This is, after all, the only thing I can study from now. Tell Jane thank you. She's saved me a lot of trouble.
Becca said…
Ok seriously, save that and hand out bound copies of it at her wedding!!!!!!
Marion Gropen said…
LOVE it. So glad I wasn't drinking coffee while reading it. And I MEAN IT.

Moving on
Susan said…
Wow! Tell Jane that I taught 8 year olds for many, many years and I would have been thrilled to have such a distinguished author in my class! She is truly gifted; not only does she have an amazing sense of how language works, writing styles, and book templates but she even has a 'voice' in her writing. This is very advanced writerly stuff and most rare in an 8 year old.
Hannah said…
If I were eating cereal right now, it would definitely be spewing out my nose. Hilarious!

But how distressing that her plans include R RATED material. LOL!
Gerri said…
That was pretty amazing. I had no idea owls used to have long necks.

I am so ready for the sequel!

I also can't wait until she is old enough to write R rated material and I MEAN IT.

I am now DONE with this comment.
DK said…
Howled. HOWLED.

Moving on now...

I cannot WAIT for the R rated version...

I had no idea owls were so sad! But wait, I'll talk more about that in like two minutes.

(HOWLED.)
MadMad said…
Oh, my God. Too darned funny! The raccoon thing alone had me in stitches!
Anonymous said…
Thank goodness I read this before I bought my evaluation textbook for next semester. I think school is going to be much more fun next semester now that I have Jane's book. Tell Jane thanks, and I MEAN IT!!!!!

Nancy
Ream O Rama said…
Jane is my hero.
"Move on".

BTW, have you thought about an illustory for Christmas? I'm just sayin'... get that stuff in print....your grandchildren will thank you for it ;-)
Wow, she is the funniest of, er, raccoonteurs. Maybe she heard the "This American Life" Hallowe'en horror story about rabid raccoons in the New England woods. Anyway, Jane clearly has a future as a comedic talent.
LaDonna said…
BWAHAHAHA!!! Oh, you do have another writer in the family!

R-Rated material??? What R-Rated material could an 8 year old possibly have in mind? Oh dear.

Moving on.
kim said…
Could she be any more adorable and funny? I'd say you have a writer in the making there!
Miriam said…
Oh, Jane. You are so funny. Please tell your mom she can take blog days off as often as she likes as long as you fill in.

Ever your fan,
Miriam
Anonymous said…
For some unknown reason wordpress just rejected my comment, so here I am as anonymous.

You daughter sounds like she needs a blog. She can be blog buddies with my 8 year-old son. He's got so many words that I need to channel his thoughts onto paper to give my ears a break.

That was a really great book! I'll read it again...promise.
-FringeGirl
thedomesticfringe.wordpress.com