We're in those really hot humid days of the summer (not as hot as Texas, mind you, but twice as humid) when the weather is so volatile it's like a migraine lurking around every corner.
Migraines make me cynical, which is mostly a foreign concept in our house and not one I like to encourage. We have a PUPPY--there is no place for cynicism here. We thumb our noses at cynicism! Cynicism is for the weak! (Well, okay, and New York City cab drivers.)
Also, I can't WRITE when I am in the throes of cynicism because everything I write sounds like every other cynical writer out there and I fail to see how that improves our collective spirits or adds any value to the world. Let's face it: like its cousin Sarcasm, Cynicism is easy and can be had by anyone with a word processing program and too-tight pants. And/or migraines.
But how to fight the good fight against it?
For starters, you could spend the day with Jane Cooper. (I'm willing to loan her out for a small fee.)
If you did, your day would look something like this.
1. Breakfast at IHOP
She likes her eggs scrambled and would appreciate a chocolate chip pancake chaser.
(Note that you might have to stop yourself from eavesdropping on conversations around you. Because it would be bad, hypothetically speaking, if you overheard one young woman speaking to another about how her boyfriend, "really, really listens to me and cares about how I might react to what he says. I can just tell he's always thinking about me." The effort not to roll your eyes in a cynical manner might cause your brain to explode.)
2. On your way home from IHOP, maybe you could take her to Michael's.
Warning, this will cost you some money so it would help the fight against cynicism if you happen to find a $50 gift card in your wallet. It will REALLY feel like magic if you can't remember where you got it! (Avoid engaging the cashier in any sort of small talk, though, because it might cause you to wonder cynically if the way cashiers at Michael's are hired is to get a bunch of apathetic people in a room together and see who's the rudest.)
3. Sort beads
Jane likes to buy those big tubs of beads ($4.99) and then sort them according to some categorical system that only she really understands. Pay attention.
Followed by dessert:
It is impossible to be cynical while eating a fudgesicle.
5. Bounce on the trampoline. Try not to decide that you are old and can no longer bounce in a satisfactory manner. Try not to take it personally when Jane offers to help you back off the tramp.
6. Answer a phone call from a friend inviting Jane for a play date. Try to not let your heart break when Jane says valiantly that she would MUCH RATHER stay and play with you. Reassure her gently that it's really okay if she wants to play with Katie. Tell her you'll go to the grocery store to get the makings for the taco feast the two of you have planned for dinner. Drive her to Katie's house. Love her with all of your heart when she tells you that she will see you in two hours and you'll get to continue to have your "Day Together."
7. Go to the grocery store. Pick the one with the Starbucks in it because a Light Mocha Frappucino will make you feel much less cynical about the world.
8. Come home. Get shirts ready for tie-dying. Cook taco meat. Do a little laundry. Answer phone call from Jane asking if she can stay another hour. Tell her she certainly can and that you will see her at 4:00.
9. Pet your puppy. It is impossible to be cynical around a puppy, even if he is only seven months old and the size of a small pony.
Take a little nap.
10. Pick Jane up and tie-dye shirts once home.
12. Watch "Matilda," which you bought on impulse at the grocery store under the influence of the frappucino and Jane's genuine moral dilemma over whether or not to go on her play date.
13. Have dessert:
It is impossible to be cynical when you have chocolate sprinkles.
13. Make stepping stone to commemorate day, even if it is after dark. (It has glow-in-the-dark stones! It's impossible to be cynical around glow-in-the-dark things--they are just too cool.)
14. Go to bed thinking about your day. Say a little prayer of thanks for all the goodness in your world. It's impossible to be cynical when you have Jane.