Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Time to Reflect

Yesterday, my friend and fellow Texan ex-pat Sherry took my mom and me to a nature preserve so that my mom could do some birding and Sherry and I could be amazed at her encyclopedic knowledge of our avian friends. Sherry's no slouch, either, but I am hopeless. ("Look, that's a bird, right? Oh. Oh no, it's a chipmunk.")

Anyway, I took some pictures and made a little slide show. Here, you can watch it in silence since the fine folks at YouTube have removed my soundtrack.



It was a very quiet place and as we stood there and watched a storm move across the sound, I had a little talk with myself. Do you ever need to find a moment just to center yourself and renew your resolve to do and be better?

The Wednesday before my parents came, I was crazed with the cleaners at my house, etc., and I emailed my friend Linda to tell her that I wouldn't be able to help out at the knitting class from 10 -11. I heard from her yesterday and she said that it had been hard to find a last-minute replacement but she had found one and that person wants to continue to help with the class. She was as nice as possible but I still felt like I got sent to the principal's office and deservedly so. I'm glad Linda found someone who is actually reliable.

I get so disappointed in myself for letting my friends down or backing out of a legitimate commitments because I am already over-committed and not managing my time well. And because I fail to set boundaries because I think I should be able to do everything. Y'all, seriously, I used to be able to do it all! No, really! Now I no longer have the energy nor the mobility to do so. (Also, I find I need sleep and I never used to need THAT either. Man, this getting old stuff is way over-rated.)

Not only do I let my friends down when I get all frazzled and disorganized but, um, there's another issue, too. (Never short of issues in MY world.) I have a To-Do list the size of a barn and because I am always pressed for time, the things that I do just for me tend to get put at the bottom of the list. Things like exercise and, um, mammograms. Getting to the post office to mail relish to blog winners (sorry.) Finishing my novel.

So, anyway, I took a moment there to regroup and to pare down my list a bit. I moved a few things (getting my mammogram (only two years overdue) and getting my NY driver's license (yup, 18 months after the move)) to the forefront, just after planning Jane's ninth birthday party (which happens this weekend) and sending out tomato relish to you lovely winners who have been so patient (really, really sorry.)

Maybe my fear of disappointing my friends will motivate me to do better. Because I truly love Linda and I am truly sorry to have let her down.

3 comments:

Becca said...

I felt this way a few years back and consciously re-ordered my life to reduce the pressure and eliminate the dropped balls. I love my new slow life!

kim said...

I've been feeling a bit tapped out myself lately. Tonight I came home from work and felt that I should be painting. Instead? I decided to knit. I'm sure your friend understands.

Mokihana said...

Thanks for the video... it was just beautiful, sound or not.