So, our house is on the market. (We have made no firm plans as to what we are going to do if it sells because it may never sell and we’re all cautious like that.) We’ve had a few offers, but nothing close enough to what we paid for the dang thing back in 2008.
We had a house showing in early December. Our realtor called and said that a lesbian couple wanted to see the house.
I stashed the toaster oven and the coffee maker (apparently, I believe my house will sell more quickly if I make it look like we eschew breakfast) and loaded the dogs up and took my daughter Jane (10) out for some ice cream. While we were out, my realtor happened to come by my house to drop off a poinsettia.
She walked into my house, introduced herself to the visiting realtor, put the poinsettia in the kitchen and was on her way back out when she saw this woman coming down the stairs. She said this woman had the biggest…er…HAIR of anyone she’d ever seen. Like, there was no way that…HAIR could be real. She was so struck by the size of that…HAIR that she called me on my cell phone to tell me about it.
I am all like, “Well, you GO, lesbians! Rock on with your bad selves and your big...er...HAIR!”
Later that night, after I got back from taking my daughter Ana to Tae Kwon Do, my husband said that our realtor had called and wanted us both on the line to tell us something. I did a little dance! “YES! YES! Lesbians RULE!” I sang, thinking that we were about to hear an acceptable offer on the house.
It turns out that the two women who looked at our house weren’t lesbians, just roommates. Actually, they are both stars of a reality show on MTV, Jersey Shore, that we’d never seen (although my husband had heard about it,) and THAT’S why the one woman had such enormous…HAIR. The women were named (I'm not making this up) Snooki and JWoww. Our realtor called to tell us that we’d had a brush with celebrity. (But, also, that their first choice was a house in a different neighborhood with tennis courts and a swimming pool.)
We hung up and looked at each other. “Well, that wasn’t exactly what I was hoping for in that phone call,” said my husband.
Y'all. You can't make this stuff up.
(Oh, as just an added little insight into the workings of the Universe, it turns out that Snooki has a book out. Because everyone in the world has a book deal but me.) (Not that I'm bitter.)