We have a deranged cardinal.
He came with the new house in Austin.
spends a significant amount of time each week fighting his own
reflection in our windows and nothing we have done can dissuade him.
I've researched the issue--we've
put up reflective decals, we've lowered the blinds, I've explained to
him that this behavior is not even SEASONAL --but nothing works. (Here's a great article about the issue. We haven't covered all of our windows, but we've tried most of the other things.)
it's just a habit of self-destruction, but I'm worried he's going to do
himself some serious harm. I think he's been fighting himself so long
that there's a chance he's done himself permanent damage.
Which is pretty much the perfect metaphor for my own mental health issues.
I've been depressed recently.
think there are some extenuating circumstances --like the move away
from my healing yoga community in New York, away from the ocean and the
seasons that match the cycles in my heart. But, you know, depression
doesn't actually need a reason. I tried giving myself hundreds of
examples of good things in my life right now, but you just can't reason
And, you know, part of me is so
dismayed to find that I'm still susceptible to depression after all the
yogic work I've done on being present, unfiltered, unattached, etc.. On
not letting other people affect my own path. (If you're new to the blog, here is my story in a nutshell.)
such a work in progress. I think I thought I had moved beyond certain
struggles and then here they are again. I haven't even been able to
write. I've just been creeping around my house, feeling
invisible. Change is hard, and not just on the teenagers among us.
It's just hard.
I was so focused on making my family's transition as smooth as possible that I forgot to take care of myself. But I did find a new acupuncturist, who is BRILLIANT, and slowly, I'm building a community of Love Ninjas. It takes time--I'm trying to give myself time.
I'm going to try to blog every day during the month of November, focusing on gratitude. Today, November 1, I'm grateful for that time --time to heal, time to recharge, time to adjust to a new environment, time with my kids, time to grow and stretch and change.