Saturday, December 24, 2016

Christmas Eve 2016

So, I've been a little worried about this weekend. 

It's the first Christmas in their lives that I won't be with my children, and I've been studiously making sure I have set into motion all the things that keep me from slipping in despair. 

But this morning? 

This morning I woke up smiling, and my Christmas spirit seems to have been delivered after all. My kids are safe and warm and healthy --there is luxury in that knowledge that not all moms have. 

Tomorrow I'll be delivering wrapped presents of gently used clothing to the homeless --how amazing to have such an opportunity to be of service. 

I have an huge-hearted and loving support system, plenty of food and shelter, a ridiculous cat, and a vast online family of hilarious and dear friends. I am so blessed.

Happy holidays, everyone.

And thank you.
--Barb

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Merry Christmas, Sweetheart! Kim

Shaatzie said...

I, too, was dreading this holiday. My family is mostly far away, and we've drifted apart since my Mom died, now these 13 years. So even phone calls are limited, and the limitation is "need to know" someone has passed away, or is ill.
And I have family here in the house, but not all of that is comfortable, so I dreaded the coldness where once we celebrated Cristmas with astounding joy, fabulous food and loving contacts.
But I am a heroine in my life this year. First, I listened to a positive message from Joel Osteen, a TV minister, you can count on him giving a situation have a better cast on it then you may have. And then I took myself off to a tiny, stuggling Baptist church that was having a potluck Christmas dinner, and it was fun seeing old friends, and chatting with others who had dropped in, Christmas Orphans as myself. Somehow we made a family.

On the drive to and from I spontaneously sang a song, I either made up, or one that emerged from long-forgotten memories: "I feel all good coming my way (coming my way) and my heart if glowing with love today, my feet feel like dancing, my arms feel like hugging, I feel all good coming my way (coming my way). And you know it did.

I am roasting the prime rib roast for the dinner I planned, whether I eat it by myself, or someone cares to share, I'm having healthy veggies, and a glass of wine, and I am tucking myself into a good book after that—except I do have gifts unopened to distribute, whether or not they are accepted. I have not a single whit of care. They are there. They were purchased with love. It truly is in the giving—never did I know before that it's enough that you give…

And this first holiday, alone, the one frought with fear, the one always sacred to the family, has not ended up being a barb in my soul, but the deepest part of me saying, this is alright. This is good enough. And I have found myself not devastated, but standing on my feet, on solid ground.

What it tells me, reading your story, too, we women had reserves we didn't know. And when we need to call on them, they are there…it's a gift I'm giving myself.

Perhaps all the happiness, all the special smiles of people on the street that I received this year, this dark year of much turmoil and scary happenings, really holds a lot of hope—for strangers seem to be offering comfort, like small-town neighbors, in small ways. It's been a revelation.

And so 2017 seems as though it can hold gifts, good surprises, and more self-encouragment.

Barb, you're being strong inspires me. God bless.

Shaatzie

greeting one another

Anonymous said...

Your bright-side viewpoint is inspirational. We are enormously blessed. Here's t a great 2017!

speakingofartistry said...

I was dreading this Christmas too, as it's the first one since I lost my dad, and it was also better than I expected.

Merry Christmas, Barb.