Sunday, January 01, 2017

New Year's Eve 2016




Well.

Here I am.

Finally, Finally, FINALLY. Finally saying goodbye to what was certainly the worst year of my life. Navigating my older child's catastrophic illness in the spring just puts all other bad things in all other years into the 'also ran' category. The Award goes to 2016.

And then if you factor in all we lost in 2016 globally, plus betrayal, divorce, car accidents, closing my studio, the (hopefully temporary) loss of my practice, health issues and injuries, my younger child's change of school and the resulting problems, the things I can't talk about yet, and the six million really difficult choices that had to be made, it was an awful, soul-sucking trip around the sun.

But you know, it was also the year that Vega (who may be going by Roswell in 2017, just fyi) got so much better and went off to thrive at USC. It was the year Jane wrote an entire book, among all of the other things she wrote. It was the year that I moved into my dollhouse, which feels really right. It was the year I started grad school and down a path to being of service in the world in a new way. It was the year I found some political passion again, after many years of "meh." It was the year I got to study with Andrei Ram in Costa Rica. It was the year my friends came out of the woodwork to show me again and again and again how loved and blessed I am. It was the year that I learned that true yoga happens from the inside out.

It was the year that started the process for me of coming back to myself.

I've been thinking a lot about 2016 and what lessons I want to take from it. I'm not ending it in a condition and circumstance I want to stay in, which is always a really good sign about the year to come. But I am stronger, and aware of a steely resolve regarding what I am willing to compromise on, and what I will not. It's like, after years of trying to grease the wheels to keep everything running smoothly for everyone, I suddenly woke up to the fact that the wheels weren't taking any of us where we wanted to go.

I hope that 2017 is amazing for all of us, and that you are surrounded by love and the certainty of your own lovableness. May you be held in grace and compassion and strength and kindness as we move into the New Year.

Namaste, dear friends.

5 comments:

speakingofartistry said...

Oh Barb. I was sitting there last night thinking much the same thing - mine included the death of my father, legal complications, betrayal by someone who was as good as family to me, betrayal by actual family and then Brexit and Trump. 2017 has to be better, it just has to be.

Thinking of you!

Anonymous said...

You have found a center. Maybe you have found that you have a center, an invincible center. May you listen to it and become far more than you ever expected you could.

Sarah

Suburban Correspondent said...

Here's to 2017 - I'm dedicating it to making space for myself - space to breathe, space to create - and hopefully space for others to be themselves around me.

Sounds like quite a year for you - I'm glad Vega is doing better, whatever it was that was happening!

Becky M said...

Epic, honest & awesome. Thank you for sharing all of this. Wishing you all good things in 2017: strength, courage and peace. ❤️

Anonymous said...

Hi Barb,
It's Mee as in Mee U Sea,

Ive been deactivated for a bit from fb due to my Ali's hoping it's a temporary thing. Anyway just writing to let you know I'm still here for you! Sending my best wishes for 2017 to you and your lovely young women! Love what you wrote for many reasons but most of all because it provided an update on you! If you receive an invite from are Longoria that is also Mee but not sure I'm ready to accept defeat! :-)
With admiration and love,
Rosie