Not Drinking Alcohol, reprise

 

Some time ago (2013), I wrote this about not drinking. I'm tempted to say, "Ditto." and go on about my life.

Because here I am again. After my divorce, when I started dating again, I started drinking alcohol again. Moderately. It was pretty fun.

Until it wasn't.

In 2020, when my pain from osteoarthritis and fibromyalgia got super loud, I drank a LOT. Every day, for months.

Then I started to take months off from drinking, as I tried new meds. I stopped drinking on work nights for stretches. And around Thanksgiving, I just stopped.

I didn't want to do anything formal or official or make some big proclamation because I am trying very hard to stop living as though the world works in absolutes. I wanted to stop the big gestures, the big campaigns. I've always lived my life as a series of projects or experiments and frankly, I'm tired of that part of myself. I'm so tired of the righteousness and stridency of people engaged in moral absolutism.

So, I'm not drinking right now, and although I have the occasional desire to have a glass of wine, I hope this is another step in returning to living in a way that feels aligned with my values. For me, mind you. My partner drinks alcohol. I wouldn't ask him to give that up. I wouldn't ask anyone to give it up unless it was causing some difficulty in their lives, but even then, it has to be their choice, or it just creates more internal conflict.

I guess for me, that's the litmus test: do I have more peace with or without a habit?

(This does not bode well for my coffee intake. Jinkies.)