Tender Times of Transition and Transformation

Apparently, today's blog post is brought to you by the letter "T."

This is a time of great transition and transformation in my life, some of which I can talk about and some I need to process a bit more.

My husband and I are divorcing.

It's been incredibly painful for me.

That's all I want to say about that at this time. I've always lived very transparently and I feel like the events of this year have made it necessary for me to be less open in this forum. Which felt a bit dishonest to me, so I just said... nothing. It's been a difficult time. There are some hard times in the immediate future as we negotiate the terms of our divorce, and as we transition our family into a new normal.

But there is also a lot of good stuff happening. I want to talk about my new little rental cottage and life as a single parent and the growth that happens when a child leaves for college and there is so much to tell you about graduate school.

Starting completely over at age 51 is terrifying and exhilarating and sad and joyful and confusing and empowering and just about every other emotion. It's a new journey and I'd like to share as much of it as I can.

Thanks for your patience, and your love and support.



Carrie said…
Hugs and prayers!
tanita✿davis said…
Do what you need to do - be who you need to be - you've got this.
ccr in MA said…
I'm so sorry. Keep being kind to yourself, and do what you need to do.
Anonymous said…
Brave. Bold. Beyond all else, setting an example of self-determination and self-worth. Hugs and peace, amiga.
Lizzy Perkins said…
Much love to you dear Barb xxx
Schaatzie said…
Recently a really wonderful Truth has been shared on Facebook, and I can only paraphrase it.

Here goes my best effort:

I am not afraid to fail

because the person I will become

will be there to catch me

in her arms.

So much of life is becoming who we are, and the process of life drives it and helps us take a new form. I am also facing a great challenge; removing a sick person from my life, someone I have loved and nurtured, who has become toxic. I am in the stage of pre-mourning—still quite numb, feeling my body react with physical pain, while my head is trying to avoid thinking about it, and it is a tough place to be.

It sort of like a slow-motion panic attack. My body is insisting in bringing all old pain up and sorting through them to see where to store this new pain, how to deal with the fear that comes with it. It's taking all sorts of physical and emotinal symptoms. So I can only pray that what I have survived before will give me the will to survive again, and to some day give thanks for this new and terrifying abyss in my life.

You may relate to some of this, you may not. But let me say I share your pain in my heart and pray the right path opens in front of you, leading to the new you that will surpass all your presently are. Blessings, peace, and love, my friend.
Annabanana said…
Always so much love for you and those girls you created - full of spirit and fire and beauty, all three of you! In the truest sense of the word - namaste.
Anonymous said…
Hoping you receive strength and grace in abundance this day and onward in your life's journey. Hugs and prayers...

psam ordener said…
Oh, dear. BTDT but I was much younger than you and had no kids. It was painful but worth it. Realize that you won't be "normal" again for a few years. You'll be surviving and you may even be happy, but this is a major life event and the stress will wear you down.

Lane Aldridge said…
Oh, Barb.... So sorry you're having to go through this painful period. Thinking of you and the girls. Here's another song for you. It's been one of my favorites since I first heard Ferron sing it 25 years ago. And it for sure makes me think of you--your life, your strength, your future.... I'll include the lyrics, too.

Ferron's "Testimony" Lyrics:
There's godlike
And warlike
And strong
Like only some show
And there's sad like
And madlike
And had
Like we know
But by my life be I spirit
And by my heart be I woman
And by my eyes be I open
And by my hands be I whole

They say slowly
Brings the least shock
But no matter how slow I walk
There are traces
Empty spaces
And doors and doors of locks
But by my life be I spirit
And by my heart be I woman
And by my eyes be I open
And by my hands be I whole

You young ones
You're the next ones
And I hope you choose it well
Though you try hard
You may fall prey
To the jaded jewel
But by your lives be you spirit
And by your hearts be you women
And by your eyes be you open
And by your hands be you whole

Listen, there are waters
Hidden from us
In the maze we find them still
We'll take you to them
You take your young ones
May they take their own in turn
But by our lives be we spirit
And by our hearts be we women
And by our eyes be we open
And by our hands be we whole
Testimony lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc., Universal Music Publishing Group, BMG RIGHTS MANAGEMENT US, LLC
Tenna Draper said…
They say that if you're considering divorce, you should wait two years before filing--just to make sure that things don't ultimately get better. Because, really, the only real reason for divorce is infidelity, and some ppl are able to get past that (tho I wouldn't be able to do it). Prepare for a LOT of loneliness--it will be unexpected how lonely it will be.
Bethany said…
Loads of love and hugs and respect and prayers. Xoxoxoxo
Anonymous said…
You will be OKAY. I divorced after 26 yrs of marriage at age 50. Not what I had planned or dreamed about for sure, but I "landed on my feet" and so will you!

Bethany Moore said…
Oh, Barb, I am so sorry to hear this. I don't know what drew me to check your blog today. I have been keeping in touch through Facebook, so I haven't thought to check the blog.

Sending hugs and wishing for strength and peace for your family.