If You Give A Mom Some Coffee

If you give a mom some coffee, she'll probably drink it standing up in her new kitchen.

She might notice how hideous the paper-towel holder is and decide to remove it from the wall.

Which means she'll need a screwdriver.

She might have to hunt for the screwdriver, so she'll walk upstairs into her older daughter's room. She'll find the screwdriver and notice that the wallpaper border is still half up and the painter is coming tomorrow. She'll put the screwdriver in her back pocket while she goes to find a sponge to soak off the rest of the wallpaper.

While she's looking for a sponge, she'll spy the box cutter she spent almost an hour looking for yesterday. She'll open a box of books and carry it to the craft room/ spare bedroom/library/play room. She might notice that one of the shelves she put together yesterday is sagging badly but since she has the screwdriver in her back pocket, she will be ready to fix it.

Unfortunately, it won't be the right type of screwdriver. She'll put the flat head back in her pocket while she looks for a Phillips head. She might curse people who thought having two types of screws was a good idea.

She'll unpack the box of books and put them on the newly straightened bookshelf. She might stand back to admire her work and wish for her coffee. She might wander into the bathroom to put away a towel and decide to use the potty before going downstairs to find her coffee. When she stands up, the screwdriver in her back pocket will fall into the toilet.

And if the screwdriver falls into the toilet, she's going to need a lot more coffee to fish it out.

Comments

Ei said…
But if you give her a glass of wine, you are fishing it out your ownself, she's on a break.
DK said…
Hmm. Maybe we should've given you a pancake....
Marion Gropen said…
ROFLMAO

You're channeling my life!
Mrs.Q said…
Or should that read, "She'll need a lot more THAN coffee to fish it out"?
HoundsGood said…
Goodness...change that story to so the lady has dogs instead of a daughter and you have pretty much described me. "what did you clean today?" "nothing, the house is still a mess but I got the marks off the doorstopper and redecorated the guest bedroom."
I was under the impression that if you give a mom some coffee, she'll give you $20. (This theory has never actually been tested, however I am still hoping for it to be true.)
Nothing like moving an entire household to make you feel scatterbrained, that's for sure. What to do first? Nothing! Everything! Coffee!

Have I mentioned the time I insisted my son place the new roll of toilet paper I had just given him on the spindle all by himself, and he managed to drop the spindle in the (unflushed) toilet? Serves me right for trying to make a non-mother learn such a skill.
Anonymous said…
Oh, I am totally rolling!!!! I always loved those books, but the mom spin on it is just PERFECT!!! And so the story of my life and why I never seem to actually complete any task list.

Hope you're doing well (screwdriver in the toilet aside) and settling in to the new digs.

Linda
LaDonna said…
BWAHAHAHAH!!! Unfortunately, by the time she goes through all of that and goes back downstairs for her coffee, it's COLD! So she might as well take a trip to Starbucks for a latte with a couple extra shots of espresso. Then she's good to go for the rest of the day!
MadMad said…
Wait for hubby to come home, is what I'd do!
Tiffany said…
For what it's worth, I feel a little BAD about thinking this is so outrageously funny...