A Little Lipstick and Maybe No One Will Notice
So, um, despite taking 1.5 Benadryl on the advice of my doctor and going to bed at 8:30 (!) last night, this morning my face is even worse than yesterday. (Hm. I don't think I've ever used the phrase "my face is worse than yesterday" before. Doesn't really roll right off of the tongue, if you know what I mean.) That picture doesn't even do justice to how hideous I look. I would take one in better light but honestly? I don't want to. There are already way too many scary things on the Internet.
But it's a shame because today is Thursday and that's the day I schedule Fun Things. Knit Night happens on Thursdays. Also, today I'm supposed to have lunch with my friend Beth, remember her? When she called this morning, I said, "well, it turns out that I have yet another disfiguring eye issue." She told me to come to lunch anyway because no one would care if I looked like the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man (Quick! Name that movie!) and then she said, "You must really be under stress or something."
But that's the thing, I don't FEEL like I'm under huge stress right now. I mean, there are some stressful things in my life--just like anyone's--but nothing really huge. Unless you count the fact that I have to take Jane to a birthday party today and meet a lot of other mothers, most of whom will be frightened if I show up in an eye patch because everyone knows that Talk Like a Pirate Day is in September. (Probably not a good idea to wear an eye patch anyway since with my other eye, I mostly see a huge black spot.)
The thing I don't understand is WHY this year has been the Year of Humiliation for me. I mean, is there some lesson I'm supposed to take from all this? (Pause while we all think of the lessons Barb should have learned this year. Lessons like, "Don't take your feet for granted." Check. "Don't take your EYES for granted." Check, check. Don't take your METABOLISM for granted. Triple check. (And speaking of that, would it really have been all that much trouble for me to have developed something a little more glamorous? Like maybe "Unexplained Weight Loss," I'm thinking. I mean, honestly, if I have to complain about sore feet and swollen eyes, couldn't I do it as a still THIN person? Is it too much to ask that just once, I be able to say, "I don't know, I CAN'T SEEM TO KEEP THE WEIGHT ON." Because really, with the foot and the eye, my non-glamour reading is high enough without this extra weight. I'm just sayin'.) Where was I? Oh, yes, lessons learned.) (As if.)
So, really, later today, I will detail my Tuesday. Which was before I came down with the Hideousness of Death so it will not be nearly as entertaining as THIS post.
Oh, hush. Just hush.
EDITED TO ADD: Okay, so I decided I WOULD go meet Beth for lunch and just, you know, offer to leave if I was putting anyone off her food. So I went upstairs to shower and I stepped on the scale and I had mysteriously LOST TWO POUNDS! Thank you, dear readers! I feel certain this was due to your prayers that I develop something more interesting to talk about than my freaking face. Kisses!