Monday, December 26, 2011
This morning, my husband went on a bike ride. It's very cold out and windy and he really didn't want to go, but he made himself because he knew it would further his fitness, and that he would feel better afterward.
It is in that same spirit that I decided NOT to go to yoga this morning.
I know, what?
I've been on something of a yoga binge --pushing my body in a more advanced class, taking multiple classes in one day, occasionally dropping to the ground to do a headstand in my bedroom. (It's the latest thing I've learned to do! It's super cool! I can hold it for minutes without crashing!)
(I mean, you'd do that, too, right?)
Anyway, yeah, yoga BINGE is no misnomer. I just love it so much. I can't get enough.
Except, my body is protesting the excess. My shoulder hurts, I've got a small strain in my lower right back and a larger strain in my left glute. Nothing serious, but warning signs that I need to throttle back for a bit before I hurt myself and have to take a REAL break from yoga.
The thing is...
I'm afraid to stop. (I guess we can just add this to my legion of psychological issues.) I'm AFRAID to go slowly, because what if I'm unable to start again?
I've written about this before, but basically, I think one of the legacies of my chronic pain/immobility adventure is this feeling that if I stop moving, my mobility will be taken away from me. I fear that every yoga class is my last one, so I have to push harder, go deeper. I can't afford to have a bad practice because what if it's my last one?
Which is flawed thinking on many levels, not the least of which, it's not yogic. Dharma Mittra himself says, "Do all postures very slowly, without pain or straining. [...] Do not overhold any posture. Break posture whenever it becomes uncomfortable." It's supposed to be about achieving a meditative state naturally; the union of the mind and body.
Which is not the way *I* approach ANYTHING, really.
So, today was a big step for me. A chance to practice what I preach to my daughters about listening to their bodies and practicing moderation and how life is a marathon, and not a sprint.
It didn't stop me from doing THIS in my bedroom, but I don't think you can blame me for THAT.