Also? No Dignity.

So, you know how I was all "No FEAR, baby!" in my last post?  All chutzpah and brashness, that's me in the New Year.  Not letting fear slow me down this year--I'm going to get into that yoga class and fall on my face and just be glad to be in the same room with my instructor Yvonne and her band of merry bendy people in the 9:30 Power Yoga class.  What doesn't kill me, makes me stronger--BOO YAH, Baby! Look at me being  pretending to be EXTROVERTED.

And then, um...

Well...

I developed a Pain.

A real pain.

In my rear-end.

(Of course I did.)

When it seemed to be getting worse and began affecting my performance in yoga, I took a few days off.

But I still had that pain and it seemed to be getting worse.

I asked my husband, "What do you call it when you have a pain in the upper part of your hamstring?  Like, is there a muscle between your hamstring and your glute?"

My husband looked at me.  "I think that's just the glute."

Oh.

Dang.

So, I Googled "gluteous" and learned more about the gluteous minimus and the gluteous medius and the gluteus maximus than I ever, ever wanted to know.

Ever.

But, see, my pain wasn't associated with that muscle group.  It was kind of...well...deeper inside my bum.  Not really INSIDE my bum--I know what kind of doctor to call for THAT --but up in my (lordy, lordy, I can barely bring myself to write this) butt cheek.

I Googled "hamstring" and nope, that wasn't it.

I took a deep breath and Googled, "Pain in the rear end."

(I can't help it!  I'm from the South! My kids aren't even ALLOWED to use the "b" word.  (Well, that's not so true anymore.  They say it now and then they look at me to see if I'm going to flinch or scold them or what.  It's something DARING that they do.  I usually just mutter something under my breath like, "BOTTOM.  We're not RAPPERS, people."))

I was going to do a screen shot of the Google answer page for "pain in the rear end" but I couldn't figure out how to do it.  Google it yourself, or trust me when I tell you that most of the answers were talking about car repair.

I had to do it.

I Googled "pain in the butt."

And the first answer was what I have: piriformis syndrome. I read a lot about it and performed every single test I could find on YouTube and there is no doubt about it, that's what I have.  It's just an irritated tendon that runs over my sciatic nerve, which is now pretty damn crabby, too.

Which is actually a good thing, because it means that what I was feeling was NOT my hamstring detaching on one end or something. That would be a bad thing.  This is just, kind of...embarrassing.

Anyway, I found several links that had good stretches which seemed redundant to me since I'm doing most of them in yoga.  And then I found a video that said I should roll around on a tennis ball.  Here's the video:



You should watch THAT one because I tried to make one of my own and you can just imagine what happened, right?




In the end, the thing that helped the most was called Thai Yoga Massage, which Yvonne is also certified to do. (The woman is just phenomenal.  Seriously, I want to BE her if I ever grow up.) AND my husband gave me a gift certificate it for our anniversary.  I'd been once before and it was just amazing.  It's very different from Swedish massage --you stay totally clothed, for one thing -- and incredibly cool.  (YouTube has videos.) (Of course it does.)

So anyway, I went last night and when it was all over, my pain was gone.  I was really flabbergasted.

I said, "Was this really different than the first time I came here?"

She said, "Well, we did some of the same stuff.  Only this time, you know, we did more butt work."

My life. You can't make this stuff up. And apparently, dignity isn't even an option.