Also? No Dignity.

So, you know how I was all "No FEAR, baby!" in my last post?  All chutzpah and brashness, that's me in the New Year.  Not letting fear slow me down this year--I'm going to get into that yoga class and fall on my face and just be glad to be in the same room with my instructor Yvonne and her band of merry bendy people in the 9:30 Power Yoga class.  What doesn't kill me, makes me stronger--BOO YAH, Baby! Look at me being  pretending to be EXTROVERTED.

And then, um...


I developed a Pain.

A real pain.

In my rear-end.

(Of course I did.)

When it seemed to be getting worse and began affecting my performance in yoga, I took a few days off.

But I still had that pain and it seemed to be getting worse.

I asked my husband, "What do you call it when you have a pain in the upper part of your hamstring?  Like, is there a muscle between your hamstring and your glute?"

My husband looked at me.  "I think that's just the glute."



So, I Googled "gluteous" and learned more about the gluteous minimus and the gluteous medius and the gluteus maximus than I ever, ever wanted to know.


But, see, my pain wasn't associated with that muscle group.  It was kind of...well...deeper inside my bum.  Not really INSIDE my bum--I know what kind of doctor to call for THAT --but up in my (lordy, lordy, I can barely bring myself to write this) butt cheek.

I Googled "hamstring" and nope, that wasn't it.

I took a deep breath and Googled, "Pain in the rear end."

(I can't help it!  I'm from the South! My kids aren't even ALLOWED to use the "b" word.  (Well, that's not so true anymore.  They say it now and then they look at me to see if I'm going to flinch or scold them or what.  It's something DARING that they do.  I usually just mutter something under my breath like, "BOTTOM.  We're not RAPPERS, people."))

I was going to do a screen shot of the Google answer page for "pain in the rear end" but I couldn't figure out how to do it.  Google it yourself, or trust me when I tell you that most of the answers were talking about car repair.

I had to do it.

I Googled "pain in the butt."

And the first answer was what I have: piriformis syndrome. I read a lot about it and performed every single test I could find on YouTube and there is no doubt about it, that's what I have.  It's just an irritated tendon that runs over my sciatic nerve, which is now pretty damn crabby, too.

Which is actually a good thing, because it means that what I was feeling was NOT my hamstring detaching on one end or something. That would be a bad thing.  This is just, kind of...embarrassing.

Anyway, I found several links that had good stretches which seemed redundant to me since I'm doing most of them in yoga.  And then I found a video that said I should roll around on a tennis ball.  Here's the video:

You should watch THAT one because I tried to make one of my own and you can just imagine what happened, right?

In the end, the thing that helped the most was called Thai Yoga Massage, which Yvonne is also certified to do. (The woman is just phenomenal.  Seriously, I want to BE her if I ever grow up.) AND my husband gave me a gift certificate it for our anniversary.  I'd been once before and it was just amazing.  It's very different from Swedish massage --you stay totally clothed, for one thing -- and incredibly cool.  (YouTube has videos.) (Of course it does.)

So anyway, I went last night and when it was all over, my pain was gone.  I was really flabbergasted.

I said, "Was this really different than the first time I came here?"

She said, "Well, we did some of the same stuff.  Only this time, you know, we did more butt work."

My life. You can't make this stuff up. And apparently, dignity isn't even an option.


Unknown said…
Well now I know how to irritate you. Butt, butt buttOCKS. (I'm somebody's little sister, might as well be yours too.

I'm glad your BUTT is feeling better, Dahlink!
Barb Matijevich said…
BOTTOM! Or are you a rapper?
Michelle P. said…
Thanks for the smile today...really needed it...just FYI I say hiney.
The Dister said…
"In the end....". Hee hee.
Unknown said…
Babe...rappers I've heard use much more colorful language than butt.

But then again...MC Eiball has a ring to it...
Katrina said…
Are you sure you haven't secretly been running ;)? That is a very common runner issue. The tennis ball definitely helps but massage is the best. I'm glad you figured it out!
LaDonna said…
LOL! Eileen, can I rap with you, girl? MC Eiball and L-DMC...rappin' about the butt!

Sorry Barb...couldn't resist. And I don't have the excuse of being someone's little sister! :)
kathrynarata said…
I have the exact same problem. My massage therapist works on it all the time, using his elbow in ways I would prefer he didn't. I also use a tennis ball. But I ignored it for so long that the entire left hip area of my body is screwed up. Piriformis is a tiny little muscle with a very big job to do. When it is overworked, it makes everything else not work correctly, so your IT band (up the side of your thigh), your glutes, your hamstrings, all are tight and painful. Keep at it -- my massages make the pain go away temporarily, but I wish I knew how to get rid of it forever. Don't know what I'm doing wrong. Good luck to you!
Judy said…
I was gonna say sciatic nerve sounds irritated. They can be a real pain in the ... well you know! Glad you figured it out and found relief. Perhaps its a new chapter for your book - some pains may take your breath away, but thank God they leave quickly.
Barb Matijevich said…
It turns out that if I want to actually, you know, do yoga and then SIT DOWN afterward, I have to keep some type of ball with me at all times. Today, I ran errands sitting on a golf ball. If I sit at my desk, I have to periodically (every ten minutes) roll around on a softball. I've taken to working while standing at the bar in the kitchen.

You know I hate to say this, but all of this is a giant pain in the butt.
Glennis said…
It's always such a great relief to diagnose something disturbing - and how wonderful to find such a quick solution!

Happily, my next door neighbor just brought over a bunch of tennis balls as a gift for my dog. I'll have to keep one in the drawer in case I need it for sitting on!
Susan said…
No I undersand why so many people at my gym are always rolling their bottoms around on little balls and stuff.

Glad you are doing better!
Bullwinkle said…
a) I hope you feel better now
b) Your blog shows as the last item on the first page of googling "pain in the rear end"
c) princess and the pea - isn't sitting on a tennis ball a bit uncomfortable??
When I saw you carrying the tennis ball, I was just WAITING for one of the dogs to appear (you tease!). My husband sometimes has a muscle spasm in the piriformis from bicycling, and I've learned to do acupressure on it. It's easy to find - he jumps when I hit the "hot spot." I hope yours heals soon and then you can maintain it with stretching.
I've been laughing so hard that I cn't even remember what I was searching for when I happened across this blog! You're a hoot. :-)