I Just Don't Get It

Okay, so my parents didn't get to come visit last weekend but they are coming THIS Friday.

Remember how I had cleaned the house for my sister and her grandson? And then our housekeeper came on Saturday? We were insane on Sunday with Jane's party, which I purposefully held at a location NOT INSIDE MY HOUSE because when you have a "Chocolate Theme" you can assume that there will be large masses of, well, CHOCOLATE everywhere. And there was. But it wasn't at my house so I didn't care.

It's been what, three days since the housekeeper was here? It's Wednesday. And my house looks like trolls have been throwing one heck of a kegger in the place, complete with barnyard animals and maybe some composting experiment gone awry.

Did something explode when I wasn't home? I mean, I understand that we have four pets but honestly, with the exception of Scout, they are fairly low maintenance most of the time. Plus, how much can I really blame on Scout, given that we try to mop up the urine as we go? So, WHAT HAPPENED?

I just don't get it. Saturday, all of the laundry was done. I've done at least six loads since, including all of the pool towels and my sister's sheets and towels and every kitchen towel in the house several times (since that's what we use instead of paper towels because I keep the paper towels under the sink--right on the same dispenser that came with the house (in other words, in the same damn place since the day we moved in) but no one can ever find them. Still there is laundry piled high in the laundry room. Yesterday I took out thirteen tons of recycling and trash and today, there it is again! Honestly, is this some weird Trash Version of Groundhog Day?

I understand that we have added about a million pounds of tiny Polly Pocket pieces and that the kids come home from school with a dang ream of paper every day so I can see that my tax dollars really are being put to use educating them in how to use a lot of paper. But I don't see how they could have created such a mess by themselves in three days. My husband (the original Messy Boy) has been out of town. I'm actually trained to pick up after myself so it's not me. The girls are in school for much of the day and they've had after-school activities, etc.

So, I don't get it. How did my house get so messy in such a short period of time and why will it now take me a full eight hours to clean it back to a "company ready" state? Is this some law of physics or nature or something that I just don't know about? Is it like the seasons and if this is the Messy Season, does that mean if I wait long enough, the house will clean itself too?

Just wait until I get my hands on one of those trolls...

Comments

This question you have asked is in the same realm as "What is the sound of one hand clapping?" Or, "If a dish falls in the kitchen and no one cleans it up, did it really make a sound?" In other words, there is no answer. The mess is a part of the essence of the universe. It just is. Not to sound fatalistic or anything, but after 16 years, well, I no longer ask "Why?" Instead I ask "Where's the chocolate?"
this would be ME RIGHT AT THIS MOMENT! I am changing sheets, there are papers and dustbunnies EVERYWHERE!
hokgardner said…
Trolls, that's what's going on around here. The cleaning lady was here yesterday, and you already can't tell that she was here. Of couse, I'm sick, B is sick, and we have three kids. Maybe I can't blame trolls.
I love coming home from vacation and seeing how clean our house remains when we aren't home. It makes me wonder if perhaps we are part of the problem.
Barbara said…
Oh this post just made me laugh! This is so much like my house I can't tell you.
I just don't know how it happens. Maybe too much stuff is how it happens here.
My pockets are always full of little bits of plastic that belong somewhere other than where I picked them up.
DK said…
Suburban Correspondent asks a good question, and I think that's the only reasonable thing to ask at this point, along with, possibly, "Where did I put my wine?"

But the next time the trolls throw a kegger, can I come? They sound like a fun bunch...
CK Holder said…
Just another post to make me wonder if I'm actually living in Austin. I'll check my mail for the correct address...

Cleaning my house over and over again makes me insane. I usually take the weekends off (which my husband hates because that's when he's home and thats when it's at its worst) but I'm always behind. I usually just kick myself for not being a good enough mom to train my kids to pick up after themselves, but doing is just so much faster and more pleasant than the training.

I like to clean my house before I leave anywhere so that I can come home to a clean slate. I love what Innocent Observer wrote.
Anonymous said…
Wise anonymous philosopher says: The more stuff you have, the more mess... and if you live in the U.S., you probably have too much stuff. No offense.
Barb said…
Oh, wise anonymous philosopher and YOU'RE a wise anonymous philosopher so ...um, did YOU say it?

We have way too much stuff. Tons too much. MY older daughter is a collector worthy of... I don't know, some OCD Collector Guy. Me? Not so much. but I have a yarn stash, oh yes I do.

Really, now that I think about it, the only one of us who doesn't collect and who throws stuff out is Jane. But SHE has all the Polly Pockets.

I need a bulldozer and a bottle of tequila...
Ann said…
Ahhh, the thing is THIS POST IS WORTHLESS WITHOUT PICS. I mean, your version of messy might be our version of spotless....just sayin'...
hokgardner said…
My older daughter is a collector. Everything she finds on the ground between school and home is treasure and must be kept for all eternity. All candy wrappers must be kept for future art projects. Wrapping paper must be carefully smoothed and put in her desk for future art projects. It's out of control. Once a month I invade the girls' room with a trash bag and have at it. They never notice the loss of treasure and small plastic toys.
Hahn at Home said…
Give in to it. I save my lunch money all month so I can have a maid come in for 3 hours. It's not even that she does that much, it's just so emotionally freeing and makes the rest of the housework I have to do so much more psychologically possible.
Well, Anonymous is right - we all have too much stuff. But try pulling it out of those little kids' hands, why don't you? My 10-year-old son sleeps with his old slippers and other items that should be thrown out or given away (we discovered this fact when we stripped the beds the other night after the top bunk vomit incident). After a certain age, they notice when you've been through their rooms with a garbage bag. Subterfuge no longer works. It's sick. I'm a use-it-or-throw-it-out person myself; I blame my husband's genes for this problem.
MadMad said…
I wish I could go to a kegger... Remember those days? That gross smell of stale beer, the sticky floor you didn't have to mop, and no babysitter to pay at the end of the night... Pure heaven!