Man, This Really SUCKS!

I mean my new vacuum cleaner, of course. What did you think I meant?

(Okay, okay, I'm sorry. It's just that, well, I'm twelve.)

I bought the Dyson Animal. Honestly? The thing scares me just a little. What's it got, like a V-8 engine? You know how all vacuums come with the warning not to empty the canister or whatever while the machine is plugged in? I don't know about you but I pretty much just ignored that little bit of advice.

Until now.

Because honestly? I am seriously afraid that if the Animal turned itself on, it could suck me inside and there I'd be, waiting for the Oompa-Loompas to get me out again.

Dudes, it was... well, disgusting. I vacuumed my two rugs that we brought from Texas and honestly, I'd vacuumed them with my geriatric (if geriatric means two years old, not that I'm bitter) and very expensive vacuum a few days ago. Right about the time the attachment that vacuums rugs decided it was done with this world. So, as soon as the Animal arrived, I vacuumed both rugs again.

Look at this:

Gosh, allergies much?

So, as luck would have it, the next day my brand new dining room rug was finally delivered.

(Brief digression while I tell you that the Fed Ex guy just dropped it on my front porch, rang the doorbell and ran. There's a name for people like him: Big Chicken. (Some censorship applied here.)

Which meant, of course, that I had to wrestle that unwieldy thing into the house by myself because I simply could NOT wait one second more to have it in the dining room.

I could have been on America's Funniest Home Videos. It weighs seventy pounds but more importantly, it stands taller than I do. Dudes, that is some seriously awkward maneuvering. I think even our cow dog Scout (Head of Ranch Security) was laughing and let's face it, it's not like he's all that invested in dignity himself.)

Anyway, I installed the rug, using my patented "arse-over-teakettle, twist my ankle, fall flat on my face hugging a mountain of wool fiber which seems to be up my nose now, 'Oh, wow --how is it I've never been in a position to notice that there's no chandelier in this room?'" movement. Poetry in motion. Yup. Thank goodness for that dance background.

And then I vacuumed that rug.

For, like, an hour.





Afterward, it only weighed probably 35 pounds and if I'd been smart, I would have gathered the wool (no jokes, please) and sent it to someone who spins so that I could have had TWO new dining room rugs.

Anyway, here it is, the master of the dining room on top of the vanquished carpet:


After I'd finished setting everything up and vacuuming, my lovely neighbors Lin and Joe and their family came for our first dinner party in our new house. I am a big believer in Firsts, you know --when my kids were born, my husband and I took a CD player and Abbey Road to the hospital so that the first music the kids heard would set them on the right path. You can see why that sort of thing is important, right? (RIGHT?) -- and the evening was perfect. The food was really pretty good (I rule, I rule, oh yeah, oh yeah) and the company was more than I even could have asked for. It was a lovely, wonderful, house and heart-warming time --I might have laughed so hard I snorted once or thirty times but I'll deny it if you suggest such a thing. I fell asleep reliving little moments of the evening and thanking God for the blessings of good friends and happy times and the echoes of laughter and joy that already abound here.

My friends, as Firsts go, this was a good one. I am really relieved.

I think we're going to thrive in this new land.