It Used to Be So Simple

Once upon a time, if anyone asked me how old I was, I could give them a reasonably accurate number. (I say 'reasonably accurate' because some years it seems harder to remember than other years.) There was a time this past year when I just told people that my BODY was 80 years old but my brain was still about fourteen so it sort of averaged out. But mostly, I told people who asked my real age: 43.

This week, I have been taking stock because (I'm serious this time) I am making my resolutions for the New Year and, um, the rest of my life. I am not normally an Oprah watcher but I've been watching her talk show this week because, y'all, Oprah is channeling my LIFE. She received a medical diagnosis two years ago (hypothyroidism) and it so threw her for a loop that she fell off of the fitness and nutrition wagon and she's all furious with herself now. But she's picking herself up, forty pounds heavier, and she's getting back on the wagon.

Doesn't that sound so familiar? I, too, received a medical diagnosis two years ago that totally turned my life upside down when it resulted in having my foot rebuilt. (Okay, so I've been dying to tell you all this but since this is a G-rated blog (mostly), I have refrained. When I first went to see my new podiatrist in Queens, after much examination of all that had been done during surgery and all the areas in which I still have pain, and an MRI, and multiple conversations with my doctor back in Austin, etc., etc., he gave me his Official Diagnosis. I have a FULF-- a "F**ked Up Left Foot. I dunno. Will insurance pay to treat that?) I, too, used my diagnosis as an excuse to get off the exercise/fitness wagon. I, too, am furious at myself and more than a little embarrassed.

Also, truly not that excited about the long road back.

So, I've been figuring out my plan for launching my recovery right along with Oprah, because we're likethis, don't ya know. The thing about Oprah is that she's very good at framing these things in a positive way. Where I have been sitting on the couch, mentally beating myself up over finding myself (at the ripe old age of 43) fatter and flabbier than ever before in my LIFE, Oprah's been ON it. First, she's THANKING her body for having given her the opportunity to see how she has been neglecting herself. Then she's putting herself on her To-Do list again. She says that once she stopped budgeting some time to take care of herself, all of the other demands on her simply ate up all of her time.

Um, yeah. I get that. But I am not to the part of THANKING my body for this opportunity, exactly. I'm more in the punishing my body stage.

Let's see, now. Which approach is healthier?

So, ANYWAY, I've been doing some assessing. Santa brought my children a Wii this year and they've been adorable in doing the Wii Fit fitness tests. One thing the Wii Fit program makes you do is a fitness test at the beginning of every work out in order to determine your Wii Age. As far as I can tell, this consists of you telling it your height, standing on the balance board so it can weigh you and then doing a little exercise where you stand as still as possible. Mostly, this is done by gripping the balance board with your toes.

I have very strong toes.

My Wii Fit age is 37.

JANE, who is eight in real years, has a Wii Fit Age of 34. Because apparently the only parts of her body NOT made of muscle are her toes.

My husband, who is a very disciplined exerciser and who has more muscle in his pinkie finger than I have in my entire body, had an initial Wii Fit age of something like 57.

Clearly, the Wii Fit is not really the most credible judge of health.

Then I took the test that everyone on Oprah had taken. Click here to take it yourself. I was really honest taking the test, but there is no place in it to explain any extenuating circumstances. Like, I HAD cancer but I've been in remission for almost twenty years. And also? Telling me I can WALK my way to health is not really that helpful, being as how I can barely walk to the mailbox. But whatever, my RealAge age is 46.9. Not too far off but not great. And I have to admit here (because, you know, I have no pride) that both the Wii Fit and RealAge told me I was overweight. (Which already I knew, thank you.)

Maybe, in the end, the old platitude about being only as old as you feel is still the best measure and right now, I feel a lot older than I am. So, whatever my age, I'm on the exercise/fitness/health wagon once again. I'm also working on a new strategy where I don't just beat the crap out of myself for finding myself in this situation. I own it, I accept responsibility but I am not going to look back anymore. I wish things were different but they aren't so it is time to take action. Today, I got on the exercise bike for more than 30 minutes and then I did sit-ups.

It's a start and at my age, I don't have any time to lose.

(I'm kind of excited because I think I found the key to making myself get on, and stay on, the exercise bike. I'm watching movies. Today I watched part of "When Harry Met Sally," which I haven't seen in years. I was enjoying it so much I didn't want to stop pedaling and then I did a gazillion crunches just to watch some more. It's probably not the most FOCUSED exercise I've ever done but I think the point is that I, uh, DID SOMETHING. And I guess if I get really engrossed in something, maybe I'll do two-a-days!)