"Everything's Amazing and Nobody's Happy"

Got one of those Messages from the Universe yesterday. You now what I mean? I mean when the FSM himself sends you a little course correction because you're verging on becoming a big jerk? (Okay, this might not happen to everyone. YOU are probably NOT on the verge of becoming a big spoiled baby but, well, point that finger right at me. And then give some props to the FSM, who showed me in a very real way that I was about to need a tattoo on my forehead that said VARSITY LOSER.)

See, I was in a terrible mood on Monday. Seriously terrible. My older daughter Ana was home sick, my husband was out of town, my house was a mess and I had the beginnings of a sore throat. I sent the following little sentiment to my good friend MadMad, "I’m just trying to do my six million loads of laundry without putting my head in the oven. Which is electric and therefore not so useful as in instrument of destruction, anyway. Plus, it needs cleaning so I’ll just feel guilty about that, especially considering it’s self cleaning and I ran the self cleaning cycle but just need to wipe it out."

I swear, I just waited the day out, eager for the chance to go to bed and start again. I did laundry. I knitted. I fed my kids and made them pick up the seven million Barbies they had taken out. I put everyone to bed, took the trashcan down the hill, fed the animals and crawled into bed, disgusted with myself for wasting a day on this good earth and for letting my optimism creep into the red zone.

Then, yesterday, my alarm went off and I wandered downstairs and made coffee and checked my e-mail. My husband had sent me a link to this clip from Conan O'Brien. I can't embed it here so you'll actually have to click on it. But please do because the whole rest of my blog post today has to do with it. Go on, you can do it. It's only four minutes and it's FUNNY. (It has a little bleeped out language and an inelegant sentiment expressed right at the end but you know, it's worth it. I would not steer you wrong.)

Click here.


Did you click? Did you laugh?

Y'all, I've been giggling ever since. For example, I went to reboot my laundry and found that I'd accidentally washed a packet of Gu that was in my husband's cycling jersey and it had exploded all over the wash. I was starting to stomp my tiny feet about my cute husband (who, hello, exercises hard so he STAYS cute) and how inconsiderate that he can't empty his pockets when it struck me how ridiculous I was being. I mean, what did I have to do now--go beat an entire load of clothes against rocks in the river to get them clean? Um, no. All I had to do was add some detergent and press a button. Whooooo...I'm suffering now.

So, then I tackled my kitchen. Dudes, I actually had to LOAD DISHES INTO THE DISHWASHER AND PRESS "ON." Honestly. the things I do in the name of good housekeeping.

It occurred to me that I had come down to a nicely warmed house, courtesy of my programmable thermostat which clicks on thirty minutes before my alarm goes off, and raises the temperature so that I don't even need SHOES. I never even think about that--I'm not splitting wood every day or shoveling coal to heat my house. Just pressing a button.

Everything is amazing and I'm such an INGRATE! I take medicine for an illness that would have killed me a hundred years ago (hypothyroidism.) I had two amazing children via c-section because I don't dilate --I would have died in childbirth a hundred years ago. I complain about driving to Queens to see my foot doctor when he's restored my mobility to me and it's not like I'm WALKING to his office or riding a horse or something.


Everything's amazing and I have totally lost my perspective!

So, all day yesterday, I spent being thankful for the many inventions and time saving devices and just flat out cool things that I am so privileged to have in my life. My mom had a successful hip replacement operation and I get to talk to her on the telephone. I received some books from Amazon.com --y'all, books were delivered to my doorstep! My kids took baths in lovely warm water that I didn't have to heat on the stove. I petted my Edward kitty, whom we only have because he has a micro-chip inside of him that led him back to us after a six week furlough. My kids and I did a video conference with my traveling husband across the Internet --got to see his face-- and it was FREE.

We live in the most amazing times. Everything is AMAZING!

And the thing about all this great stuff is that it doesn't take away from the small things that remain timeless sources of happiness--like the perfect stitch on a sock or the way my kids smell after their baths. It's awesomeness heaped on awesomeness.

Everything is AMAZING. And I, for one, am so grateful!