I'm Baack
I was cleaning out my office a few months ago and I put one of the stuffed sheep that Ana had given me into the "To Be Donated" pile. (I'm TRYING to declutter and I kept the SMALLER sheep she gave me.) Later that evening, this is what I saw in my office:
Welcome back, buddy. There is always room for something that was given to me by one of my kids. You can sit on the printer.
Okay, then, here's the thing: I'm fighting off a pretty severe depressive cycle, despite the fact that I have A) the funniest, sparkliest kids ever, B) good friends --really good friends and C) a puppy. Sometimes, even the fact that I am the most blessed person on this planet cannot keep the black curtain from descending -- because it is hard to fight an enemy who has outposts in your head, as Eleanor Roosevelt once said.
Sometimes those closest to me (Coop) wonder why I tell the whole world about such struggles. Well. I talk about them to demystify them. To make sure I'm not living in denial, which is sort of a mode of operation embraced by my family of origin. And also because I want my children to know that struggling to keep yourself balanced and mentally healthy is not a character flaw. I am not a bad person because I battle depression. In fact, taking responsibility for my own mental health makes me a responsible parent and may just be the best thing I model for my kids.
Anyway, that's why I've been so scarce around these parts. Thanks to everyone who wrote asking me if I was okay. I AM okay and getting better all the time.
I'm planning (and actually writing!) a big post about dinner parties and Thanksgiving and going to get out Christmas Tree but I wanted to swing by and say howdy in the meantime. (Also to let you know that the Blink-O-Meter is at 90%, currently.)
Okay, then, here's the thing: I'm fighting off a pretty severe depressive cycle, despite the fact that I have A) the funniest, sparkliest kids ever, B) good friends --really good friends and C) a puppy. Sometimes, even the fact that I am the most blessed person on this planet cannot keep the black curtain from descending -- because it is hard to fight an enemy who has outposts in your head, as Eleanor Roosevelt once said.
Sometimes those closest to me (Coop) wonder why I tell the whole world about such struggles. Well. I talk about them to demystify them. To make sure I'm not living in denial, which is sort of a mode of operation embraced by my family of origin. And also because I want my children to know that struggling to keep yourself balanced and mentally healthy is not a character flaw. I am not a bad person because I battle depression. In fact, taking responsibility for my own mental health makes me a responsible parent and may just be the best thing I model for my kids.
Anyway, that's why I've been so scarce around these parts. Thanks to everyone who wrote asking me if I was okay. I AM okay and getting better all the time.
I'm planning (and actually writing!) a big post about dinner parties and Thanksgiving and going to get out Christmas Tree but I wanted to swing by and say howdy in the meantime. (Also to let you know that the Blink-O-Meter is at 90%, currently.)
Comments
Sorry to hear that you are struggling. You're not alone. Although I'm okay for now, I understand the gray curtain that descends without warning and clouds the world. I can't remember; have you discussed this with your doctor?
Northern winters, as I recall, can daunt the hardiest.
I'm with Suburban Correspondent - having a great life just makes me feel guilty that I can't do/be more.
I hope you feel better soon, too.
I hope you feel better soon, too.
Depression is CHEMICAL, and a moral failing. So don't accept what's happening. There may well be a better treatment out there than whatever you're using at the moment.
Ask your internist for a recommendation to a good psychopharmacologist who specializes in depression, if you don't already have one. Not every psychiatrist is equally adept with every condition.
And in the meantime, know we out here are rooting for you.
I'm a wife and mom, and I have chronic pain throughout most of my body, started by RSD. I LOOOOOOVE to knit. It's what keeps me sane, (and it also makes me feel useful on the bad days), so we have that in common. I wish you many, many good days. I'll keep on reading, you keep on feeling good.
Peace and painlessness,
Beck