Okay, so I have this terrible, energy-sucking, stupid cold and it's snowing and my husband is out of town and my Christmas decorations are still 80% up, including the stupid tree and we're drowning in dust and laundry...
...seems like a good time to do a Stupid Product Review.
I'm not going to let the fact that I never review products get in the way of warning you all about this stupid, stupid product. (Yes, that I bought. I'm putting it down to temporary stupidity caused by cold medicine. You wanna make something of that?) (DO YOU?)
Still Life With Fruit
See that? That product is the most ridiculous product I have ever wasted $3.49 on --and people, that is saying something. I was looking for a little shot of vitamin C, given that I could hear my head SLOSHING as I walked (stupid cold) and there this product was--just when I had about lost the will to live right there in the dairy aisle of a large grocery store. (It comes packaged in two-bottle packages but I'd already consumed one before I took this picture. I would ordinarily not have bought the stupid product because of the excess packaging, (even though the bottles can be recycled) but dudes, I needed a little juice. More about the stupid packaging in a minute.)
It beckoned to me with its bright colors.
I took it home and opened the first bottle. I started drinking and immediately choked on a large-ish chunk of fruit.
I'd been warned that there were bits of fruit in the juice (it says so right on the stupid bottle) but it never occurred to me that these bits would be so large that you'd have to chew them. I think I was envisioning pulp like you get in good orange juice but these were more like, "HOLY COW! There's a bit of pineapple stuck in my esophagus!"
(And as an aside (of course) why was there even pineapple IN the bottle marked "strawberry orange?" I mean, I LIKE pineapple but not everyone does, you know.)
So, okay, I could maybe deal with the chunks of fruit. I resumed
drinking chewing the juice but the rim around the stupid bottle is so sharp that it cut my lips when I slowed down in order not to accidentally inhale some piece of pineapple that may or may not have belonged in the bottle.
And you know what happens to tiny cuts when juice gets inside?
Stupid freaking non-juice. I'm never chewing that stupid juice again.