Resilience: The Plan So Far



I'm ready.

I did some wallowing but now I am all suited up (no cape) to go out there and kick cancer to the curb.

I've decided that everything that enters my mouth from now through (at least) treatment and recovery, will support my healing. I'm going mostly raw vegan, low sugar, gluten-free, (possibly) no caffeine. Possibly no alcohol. (I've recently been having a glass of red wine about twice per week. There is some scientific evidence that this can aid in the fight against cancer, but my current thinking is that sugar is just about the most toxic thing I can put in my body (after processed foods, which I don't eat) and alcohol converts to sugar.) (On the other hand: wine.)

Additionally, it's going to be freaking brutal, but I am committing to daily exercise of some kind. I've been five months off of the mat but I still HAVE a mat, so no excuses.  I'm just going to start slow and realize that it is going to be terrible for a while until I get my practice back. I won't commit to doing yoga every day, but every day I will do SOMETHING to sweat. Activating the sweat glands has been shown to be very beneficial in helping detoxify the body which allows for more efficient healing.

Daily meditation --no excuses. Some kind of spiritual devotion --journaling, reading, chanting, pranayama.

I figure this cancer deal can go one of two ways and I'm going to give healing the best shot possible. I'm not talking about death here --my cancer is not life threatening. But it's been my experience that people with cancer either get really focused on living and healing and embracing the vibrancy of their lives, or they get scared and start living as if they are dying. I want everything I do to be in service of healing, and in service of living in the fullest sense of the word.

And yeah, I realize that this focus on clean living makes it hard to go out to eat or have some kind of social life, but I'm in grad school and that's not a huge temptation anyway. Plus, while I realize that there's just nothing sexier than a 52-year-old divorced mother of two who is covered in cat hair and battling breast cancer, so far I'm not beating off suitors with a stick. (I'm not ready for that anyway. I'm still in the "should I join a religious order or become a lesbian" phase of my divorce recovery.)

To kick off the health campaign, I did what is possibly the most woo-woo thing I've ever done--and people, that is SAYING SOMETHING. I had an Ayurvedic massage, which incorporated sound healing and crystals and craniosacral and regular massage. Oh, and these incredibly good-smelling oils. It was blissful--like, I have a little bit of a Bliss Hangover now. The massage healer/shaman/wizard was a woman named Randi Marks who just...well...if it is possible to be healed by that, I'm healed now.

And now we go forward.


Tiny Tyrant said…
I love you. You've got this! Let me know what I need to have on hand to help support this when you come up in October for the walk.

Sending extra healing purrs from the Squeaks.
Annabanana said…
Awesome plan - and best thing is those are all things I've heard you say you wanted to do, anyway! Cancer as a pathway to healing - is the best way to look at it! LOVE YOU!!!
You don't have to PROVE anything on that mat, you know. You just have to show up ON the mat. That's all. Showing up is what counts.
Anonymous said…
What she (Suburban Correspondant) said.
Janet Hutchinso said…
Except that was supposed to say my name. Damn fat fingers.
Barb Matijevich said…
I don't feel like I have anything to prove on the mat. I really don't. But starting over is painful and there's the cognitive dissonance between what I know my body WAS capable of and what it's capable of now. It's just going to be a slugfest for a while and I'm going to be sore!And I'm going to be mad at myself --that's just the way I roll when I do the very thing I know not to do! I'm up for it, though. And, like all of my lessons, it's about releasing the ego and attachment to results.
I have been off the mat for a while now too. In solidarity with you, I shall show up on the mat. I may just sit and meditate or not meditate, but I shall show up. Yes, it's going to hurt.
I shall also drink your wine, just to make sure the balance in the universe is there if you decide NOT to drink the wine.
But mostly I shall just show up to everything because that's the right thing and I love how you always remind me of that.

Good plan.
Miki said…
I be given this to my husband to read. He's got the perspective down pat, self care not so much! You have it in the bag! You know what I think about you but just in case, amazing strength and resilience and go get itness. Perfect combo.
Shaatzie said…
I am learning from you how to face adversity head on and set my sights on winning.
This journey is bringing you wisdom and insights that will gift you forever. You
Above all, show grace to yourself! On the mat, off the mat, in your eating, in your praying, in your healing, in your battle. With love.
Rosie C said…
Barb, Thanks for the post! If it's possible to be inspired by someone else's thoughts on this subject, I am by yours, they make me want to get in there and fight this C with you, of course I can't but fortunately we all got stuff so if you can do it so can I, in this for the long haul hon!
Let's get the stuff dead (in the most peace loving way possible)!
tanita✿davis said…
Sometimes the sweating may be hard, mat or no -- and sometimes the eating won't be as clean as you like -- and sometimes it may be more wine than you know is best, but... be easy on yourself, okay?