Cross my Heart and Hope to Die




Pardon me for being overly dramatic. (No, really...Moi?)

But here's the thing: today I had to go to the retina specialist again for my funky eye spot that not only is NOT better, seems much worse.

There's a reason for that.

It IS much worse. In fact, there's BLOOD around my retina now and also? I am growing this membrane (idiopathic choroidal neovascular memberane--for those of you Googling at home) that is normally found in people 30 to 40 years older than I.

Yes, once again, proof that my body somehow aged forty years one night while I was sleeping, leaving me with an adolescent's yearning for love and acceptance housed in my own 80-year-old body.

Think about it--it explains so much.

But that's not even the POINT of this blog post. (Warning: prepare for massive overuse of capital letters now.)

The POINT of this blog post is to tell you that the treatment for this weird bleeding membrane is a SHOT IN THE EYE.

As in, a NEEDLE in MY EYE.


Y'all. I think I am freaking out.



Anonymous said…
I shudder in sympathy... EW. Surely, SURELY they can sedate you for this. I'd be BEGGING to be KNOCKED THE HELL OUT. (Pardon my French.)
MadMad said…
Aw, man! Just for that, I won't warn you that if you ever read Infidel, you should skip page 33. Oops. I just did. OK. Well pretend you didn't see it, then, because I am definitely NOT going to tell you. Then again, maybe the images you just seared into my brain can compete with the ones in the book and cancel each other out....? Maybe not. Anyway, I'm trying to be sympathetic, really. But it's going to take a minute... I need some deep breaths, first...
ccr in MA said…
Oh, ooh, ow! I'm amazed you can even bring yourself to write the words. You are one strong person.

Ow, ow, ow.
Ream O Rama said…
omigawd, omigawd, omigawd, OMG!

I can't imagine anything that would freak me out worse; seriously. You have all my sympathy on this one.

hollygee said…


I hope that you are being wrapped in tender care tonight. You have been through it, lady.
Anonymous said…
I think any sane person would be freaking out at that. I do hope it's extremely effective and you never have to have it done again.
Miri said…
Oh! Fr-eeeeaaaking out with you.
knittergran said…
Honestly, I can't even think of the words that can express how I feel about that. It's eueeeew or something, maybe.
I hope that's the LAST shot...
While you were awake? Did he have 3 strong assistants holding you down? No way I could have sat still for that.
Mrs.Q said…

You just freak out all you need to, darlin'! I think you are MORE than justified!

Squinting in sympathy over here.

(did I say EEEEEEEWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!??)
Kris said…
okay. that sucks.

Does this now allow you to spill every cross-your-heart secret you've ever promised to keep... that is, now that you've had a needle in your eye;)
TheOneTrueSue said…
Oh. My gosh. That is HORRIBLE. Holy smokes.

I hope the torture is at least effective and it fixes the problem? YIKES.

I'm so sorry you're going through all of this crap.
Mama Ava said…
It won't be that bad...just do what I do when I have to get a shot. Just turn your head and close your eyes.

Oh, wait...
Anonymous said…
omg. OMG. OH! MY! GOD! I just puked up my coffee. You really need a break. I hope things are better soon!
Tenna Draper said…
Well, I didn't think it could be done, but you just topped my shot in my foot--which hurt something fierce--and nobody there to hold this big baby's hand. Ow.

They put my mom under anesthesia for a little time while they cleaned behind her corneas...she still says she didn't feel a thing, but I watched, and it creeped me out BUT good.

I'm with everyone else, tho, and hope that this ONE SHOT will fix the problem and that you never have to have it done again.

There, there...I'll hold yer hand. :)
Ann in NJ said…
Wow. Ummm, wow. Just don't even know how to begin to express sympathy for that.

I'm hoping (hard) that it's effective.

Marion Gropen said…
I'll go along with the masses here -- eeewwwww.

BUT -- you actually can't feel much (if anything) with your eyeball. No nerves, doncha know. When you get something "in your eye," it hurts because of the lids. And if you get hit on it, it's the lids and the pressure passing through the eyeball. Or so I'm told.

Your eyelids shouldn't be involved in the shot, and there shouldn't be much pressure, so, if you can get past the gross out factor, it really shouldn't HURT. I hope.

Crossing fingers and toes for you. (Which may explain why I had to re-type many parts of this! Oh, wait! No, that was just lack of skill.)
hokgardner said…
Oh my god. They would have had to have strapped me down and sedated me. I can't bear to have anything near my eyes, which is why I have never worn contacts even though I hate wearing glasses.
Anonymous said…
Coping with that calls for copious amounts of red wine!!
Freaking out is definitely called for. Did they let you have an anti-anxiety med first? It got me through my recent MRI like a charm, but a needle in my eye . . . I'm not so sure.
Kathy Ireland said…
Well let me just say...


Did you already get it done? It sounds like you've already had it done.

I have nothing supportive to say. The closest I've gotten is when they put a needle in an infected cyst on my hurt like HELL! I can still hear the noise.

Now I've got to go be sick.


Are you ok?
Unknown said…
OH MY GOD!!!!!
Did you at least get valium first? I think I would freak at that almost as much as if he had suggested leech or maggot therapy.
absolutelytrue said…
Oh my, this post made my skin crawl. And even worse - when my armpit crawled past my nose, I realized that I need a shower!

I hope the shot works wonders for you Barb.
Vicki said…
I'd still be running, Barb. I can't believe not only they got the medicine in but you're able to blog about it. They'd still be chasin' my dust.

DK said…
Well, I know that sounds scary, but I guarantee whatever you're imagining is worse. It actually shouldn't hurt much at all (maybe less than a shot in the arm). It'll look freaky, but, you'll get better! And then you can be all like, I'm such a badass, I got a needle in the eye. Bitches.

Definitely calls for excellent new yarn (Alpaca?) and lots of red wine. Also chocolate. And orange cat snuggling.
Heidi Malott said…
Oh my! I hope you are able to have a nice big glass of wine tonight. Sending hugs your way!
Sarahviz said…
*and now squinting in sympathy*
Karen said…
Wow. You must have told one big whopper of a lie in your childhood somewhere.

(but really - once you get past the ewww factor, could you even feel it?)
LaDonna said…

I can watch all those doctor shows on TV where the blood and guts are hanging out, limbs hanging by a thread of skin, even brain surgery, but when they do the needle in the eye thing, its just....