If you are of the Male Persuasion, just be forewarned that today's blog post may cause you a bit of psychic pain. It includes the words Feminine Hygiene and Tampons and Pads (not the apple variety, either) in it.  Also, the word LOVE. And some laughter at the expense of a guy.  I'm sorry and we all understand if you're skipping this one and going out for coffee.

This morning, I had to take the no-longer-so-tiny Jane (9) back to the doctor, who prescribed antibiotics for what appears to be a lingering sinus infection and also put my fears of pneumonia to rest.  On the way home, I went to the pharmacy to get the prescription filled.

Note: I was having a difficult day.  I think being cooped up inside with an ill child all week, plus my husband getting the cold and being completely miserable, plus the dead-of-winter Suckiness of All Suckage, plus my complete inability to get anything at all done, EVER, IN MY WHOLE FREAKING LIFE finally got to me.

I dropped off the prescription and sat down next to this enormously pregnant woman and her mother.  There was no chatting or anything --the place was a zoo, plus this is NEW YORK where that kind of chatting doesn't happen without an icebreaker.  Over in Feminine Hygiene, a kind of scary guy in braids and a black leather jacket seemed to be hanging out.  I assumed he was waiting for his prescription.

After about ten minutes, the woman behind the counter came out and approached Scary Guy and said, in a voice that would etch glass, "Do you need some help?"

Scary Guy paused for a minute as if trying to decide if he should just surrender or run like hell.

"Yes, I guess I do."  He showed her the list in his hand.  "I'm supposed to get this but I...I'm looking...See, it says..." He handed her the list.

"So, on the list, these are TAMPONS and you're here in the PAD section," said the clerk.


"So, now let's walk over here to the TAMPONS and try to find what you're looking for."

They disappeared from view and I, apparently raised by wolves, let out a little giggle.

The pregnant woman looked over.  "Man, that boy is in LOVE."

Much nodding from the other woman.  "You gotta love that his girlfriend sent him to buy her stuff." 

"You gotta love that he actually came to buy it."

"I wish MY boyfriend would do that."

"My husband would rather DIE."

And, y'all, I didn't mean to but I opened my mouth to agree and what came out was, "I wish I had that on video."

And then we all laughed so hard we almost fell out of our chairs.


Ann in NJ said…
I believe statistics show that more women buy men's underwear (for their men) than men do (for themselves). In theory, men buying TAMPONS for women should be no more embarassing.

In theory.
Snicker. Poor guy.
Unknown said…
Ann, In their defense though, they very much like at least CHOOSING underwear for us. We maybe don't like wearing it, but they'll do that.

On one hand Barb, I really do wish you'd gotten video too. On the other I already have tears running down my cheeks and I'm at the office, it's probably better you didn't.

Barb Matijevich said…
I was kind of worried that this whole post might be totally offensive. I am having a rough week and my sensitivity meter is off, I think. But it was such a welcome laugh and the guy's embarrassment was just...PALPABLE. Plus, his embarrassment combined with the New York no-nonsense, shoot-straight pharmacy clerk...y'all I almost did something embarrassing... If we'd have been able to hear her extolling the virtues of one over the other, I would have needed medical attention.
Unknown said…
oh damn me too!!
Susan said…
So NOT offensive! So very funny!
Unknown said…
Just so you know how not offensive it is, I had to come back and read it another time. Because my day sucks too.
Tiffany said…
Also laughed out loud while reading this, but...I'm surprised that everyone seems to think this was an odd request. Don't all of the men in your lives run out and buy you feminine hygiene products if you find yourself out of stock at a bad moment or they just happen to be the ones going to the store? (Totally serious here...I'm not even able to work out what's supposed to be embarrassing about it.)
Tiny Tyrant said…
OMG. Love that. Too funny.
Anonymous said…
I wish I'd been there!

Deb J.
jenn said…
Love it! My husband always says that if some guy ever makes fun of him for picking up my tampons, he's going to say, "At least I've got a woman to buy tampons FOR."
DK said…
Awwww, that's adorable. And hilarious. And totally what I needed today. And not even close to offensive. I hope she knows what the poor guy went through today for her!
@Tiffany - No. Never. 20 years married, too...
Murr Brewster said…
My husband never hesitated to pick up tampons for me. I complimented him on it once, and he explained he figured no one would think they were for him.

He also does all the shopping and cooking and most of the cleaning. I got him out of the bargain bin and he shaped up.
ToyLady said…
Oh, Barb, this is why I luuurrve you so! LOL

I had some poor guy walk up to me in that department that time - he didn't know which would be "best" to get for his girlfriend.

My husband would be HAPPY to get feminine items for me - he says nothing better identifies him as a heterosexual guy with a wife.

*eye rolling*
Lucy said…

In my teenage years if I needed tampax I would ask my dad to pick up tampax.He's great about that sort of thing, but he would always come back with the super large box no matter how much I would explain that size regular would be just perfect. In the end I just gave up.
The Dister said…
Being the daughter of a woman who would send me once a month to the neighbourhood corner store to buy her "Kotex" - I don't think this post is funny at all.
The Dister said…
@Tiffany - it would never even occur to me, in my wildest dreams to ask my husband or one of my kids to buy that for me. Not judging, it just wouldn't. I am ALWAYS stocked up in that department.
Bullwinkle said…
I am also in love. And I promise to stay caught up and post effusive comments.

It would have been great on video.

But I agree with Tiffany - it shouldn't have been embarassing.