Tapping Into My Jeans

While I was just hanging out, suffering through this cold, I got interested in this blog called PastaQueen.com. The Pasta Queen, aka Jennette Fulda, is a young woman who once weighed 372 pounds and lost literally half of herself over two-plus-some-change years. I read her entire archives because I got sort of invested in her. I like her writing voice. I like her approach to everything from weight-loss to life. I like that she's a smart woman. And now I'm concerned about her because she's had a headache for over a year. The same headache. For more than one year.

Which is chronic pain, right? I know a little something about that but dudes, I think hers is worse. I mean, I could get off of my foot and almost stop the pain. What do you do with a chronic headache?

(Confession: I sent her an idea to explore in trying to find a cure for her headache even though she basically threatens to file a restraining order on people who keep suggesting stuff. But I hadn't heard anyone suggest this (and she's compiled quite a list of the things that people have suggested) so I sent her a note telling her about how poor eye-hand coordination, plus slow reading, plus headaches sometimes equals a visual tracking issue (like where your eyes don't move at the same speed or focus at the same speed, for example) and can sometimes be remedied by vision therapy. Vision therapy is something that hasn't made it into the mainstream here in the US but in other countries, there has been a lot of research and acceptance of the practice. So I sent her that idea and I'm sure she hates me now and has blocked my IP address from ever contacting her again.)

Anyway, I digress. (Imagine!) Basically, every challenge that has been set before the Pasta Queen, I can sort of relate to on a smaller scale. She has a dysfunctional relationship with food (check), she has strange feet (check--I might have her trumped in this instance), she has weight to lose (check), she deals with chronic pain (check --although I am hoping that might soon be nearing an end. My orthotics can be picked up next week!), she can't keep Kashi Go Lean cereal in the house (check), she uses the word "y'all"--we could be twins. Except that I'm old enough to be her mother. And she's single. And mathy. And tall.

BUT ANYWAY, I'm rooting for her.

Plus, she made me think. I went looking for "motivation" to start my diet an I found this. Which made me, um, feel incredibly stupid and smack my head hard like a V-8 commercial. I mean, how common sense is it to say, "dude, motivation may or may not come. What you need is DISCIPLINE."?


I just honestly never thought of that before. I seriously thought that I would be hit by a bolt of energy thus revealing to me that it is TIME TO START MY COMEBACK and you wouldn't have been able to drag me off of the exercise equipment.

Um, I don't think it's going to happen.

Get off the couch, Barb and DO SOMETHING. Use that German discipline for something besides keeping up with the laundry. The motivation will take care of itself. Find the DISCIPLINE you need to go forward.

So, the Pasta Queen has this great picture of herself on the cover of her book (I KNOW, a blogger who got a book deal! We could be twins except...well... Sigh.) standing in one leg of her fat pants.

I am WEARING my fat pants.

But see these jeans? These jeans are my all time favorite jeans ever. Size 8, J. Crew, button fly. I bought them when Coop and I were dating and dudes, if jeans could talk, these jeans could write an entire BOOK of fun memories and falling in love and feeling at home in my skin. (How much do you want to bet that my JEANS get a book deal before I do?) I loved them so much that I couldn't get rid of them, even when we packed up our entire house and moved to New York and I got rid of darn near everything else.

Oddly enough, I remember the last time I wore them. It was my 35th birthday party. Two days later I found out I was pregnant with Jane and I never got in shape enough to wear them again.

Well, I just turned 44. I would like to wear them again for my 45th birthday party.

This may not be feasible or realistic but that's my goal. I can always adjust as I get closer to the day. I think I have about 30 pounds to lose and an entire body of muscle to rediscover. Seriously, I'm not sure even my fingers have any muscle tone. I've been on the couch for most of two years.

So, we'll see. I've already started the food reduction plan, but I will probably follow some sort of plan like Jennette did when I start my official exercise program next week, upon receipt of my orthotics. I promise not to turn this blog into a weight-loss blog but I WILL post updates periodically if y'all are interested. Maybe I'll back date them or something.

I'm off to do some sit-ups!


Unknown said…
OH BARB, how narcissistic!! No, just kidding.

I love that you have the jeans still (although i have never been a size 8. i was a size 12 in 8th grade, but then I'm taler than you...and big boned...sigh)

You can do this and it IS discipline. I got fat because I stopped caring.

And I will love to read about your progress, it will keep me motivated on mine.
Poppy B. said…
I'm interested. I've got a high school reunion in May and BlogHer in July, and I'd like to be unrecognizably fabulous and envy-inspiring by then.

Call me petty, but that's enough motivation for me.
Squirrel said…
Go Barb!!! I am rooting for you. The best part is that once you start losing weight, your excitement WILL actually be motivation to keep going.
Ann in NJ said…
What a totally awesome blog! Thank you.

I have lost 35 lbs since August 08 and it really does come down to diet and exercise. However, I still have 50 lbs to go to be "healthy". So I'm on the same trail you are - and since New Year's I've been struggling with motivation - thanks for the page on discipline!
Motivation has taken a permanent hike around here, also. Discipline, ditto...
Mrs.Q said…
Again with the you-in-my-head, saying what I think but haven't managed to articulate...if it wasn't so accurate, it'd be a little creepy!

(Seriously - thanks for saving me the trouble of having to do it myself....)

You GO, girl! And I can see why you kept the jeans, they look perfectly broken-in and comfortable. Jeans like that (maybe not that wee...) are totally my natural habitat!
Mary Ellen said…
You go! I'll be here to cheer you on every step of the way. But, no more bad perm comments! It was the 80's!
Barb, you're going to get tons of advice and start blocking IP addresses yourself. But you can't block mine, because I'll just come to your house if you do. So here's what works for me: 1) calorie counting apps on my Iphone on days when I think I could be dancing near the edge of my allotment of calories, 2) salad in the evenings, accompanied by my wonderful home-made foccacia (made with aid of bread machine). If you have fresh bread, dipped in a little olive oil, you feel like royalty. 3) ride my bike. And that's it. Oh, and weighing oneself. I'm not allowed to lose or gain weight right now and that weekly weigh-in at the doctor's sure focuses the mind.
Sarahviz said…
Love her blog - thanks for the recommendation.
Jennette Fulda said…
Aw, thanks for rooting for me! And good luck with everything.
DK said…
In case I haven't mentioned it already, I highly recommend a good personal trainer. It's kind of weird to me, actually - I have three majors on my bachelors and an MD and my trainer (whom I think, as my other friend put it, "has a BA in gym") posesses all this great physiology and kinesiology wisdom (well, knowledge) about which I know nothing. Plus he's an obligation which makes me actually come to the gym, and lift (I am paying him, after all). He's someone external to be accountable to, even on the days we're not meeting. It's not a bad gig.

An RD would also be a good person to have in the mix. That way, no guessing what you should or shouldn't be eating, if you've got the right proportions...people, especially who are (or plan to) exercise a lot as part of a fitness plan tend to underfeed themselves, which just confuses your metabolism.

Just my thoughts from the fat side of things...