Just to clarify...


I read this wonderful letter written by this wonderful writer named Mir to her new husband which she posted on her incredible blog Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda.

Naturally, I had to comment, given that my own husband was traveling and I was missing him and thinking about how lucky I am to be married to him and yada, yada, yada. Plus, I was having wine and it was almost midnight and I was...


Enough justification already.

This is what I said:

Oh, Mir.

You go ahead and post a letter like this monthly. It’s perfectly legal for the first year of marriage –I’m sure I read that somewhere. It’s like you can refer to children’s ages in months until they are two years old and then you have to stop or people will have you committed.

I’ll let you in on a secret if you want. (Heck, even if you DON’T want.) My husband and I will soon have been married for ten years. (That’s not the secret.) I kissed/married some frogs before I met him. (Still not the secret.) But here’s the thing: tonight he’s away on business and I could have written “enough with the apart already” myself. Still not the secret but here it comes: (Are you ready?) No matter how long it takes you to find your Person, once you find him, it STAYS THIS GOOD. Every month. Forever.

Happily ever after is kind of fun, huh?

Happy forever to both of you,

So, then, I got a comment from someone who had read what I wrote and wrote me THIS:

"I read a comment you left on a single moms blog about how when you find your person, it stays that way, every month...forever. I myself keep wondering if it can really be this good for always and that was so reassuring. Thank you!"

I feel the need to clarify.

I meant what I said. I still wake up every day and can't believe that I found Coop in this big ole world and that he actually liked me at the same time I liked him and then we made these beautiful children and created this hilarious, pet-infested life.

But that is not to say that there aren't moments when I want to drive a meat cleaver into the wall above his head and tell him that if he doesn't put his freaking juice glass actually IN THE DISHWASHER, then the next time I won't miss.

It's just that the good moments consistently outnumber the bad, even when we go through the doldrums. It's that I know he's my Person and that knowledge carries me through the times when we aren't getting along so well. And it just that, for the first time in my life, I honestly understand what a marriage between two people who belong together is supposed to be like. We've been together since 1996 and I still don't even have eyes for anyone else. He still makes me laugh more than anyone ever has in my life. I trust him with all that is precious to me and I honestly feel that all of the good things that are in my life came into my life because of him. He makes me want to be a better person.

And he, of course, says he knows he loves me because I make him madder than anyone ever has in his entire life. (Seems like a fair trade.)

So, I guess what I am trying to say is that "Happily Ever After" doesn't mean that you miraculously no longer have to put the juice glass in the dishwasher, or that suddenly you have no money troubles or incontinent dogs or whatever. It means you have a partner to lean on, or who can lean on you, as you go through the day-to-day stuff --someone who will keep you laughing even while he's inspiring you to dig deeper. Happily Ever After is made up of millions of small moments when your eyes meet and you are in perfect accord and no one even has to say anything.

At least, that's how it is for me, on this, the 134th month we've been together. (See, Mir? The whole celebrating each month thing has a very short time frame in which it's appropriate. After that, people just want to smack you.)


Ei said…
I find it funny that I found you and Mir independent of each other, and here you are blogging about each other...ok, so you are blogging about her. She's da bomb, eh?

I hope sometime that I can find another someone with whom to count months (honestly right now I'd settle for someone to count a few hours with). Mir has been my inspiration for getting through the insanity of divorce. I hope someday to model you both in happily ever aftering (except maybe without the crazy house business or that smelly boot.)
Lynda said…
I just wanted to say that I followed you over to MIR's blog and read the letter she wrote to her hubby and then posted on her blog something equally sappy and sentimental about being stuck in an 84" box with my DH 24/7.

I really enjoy your blog and can so relate to your child troubles and all of the other things you go through.

Anonymous said…
Can I copy this, post it on my blog, change the names and backdate it to yesterday - the 14th - MY 10th anniversary?? Can I?

I started to write a blog about being married to the one person in the world I can imagine spending 10 consecutive years with in the same house, with only 1 washroom and no dishwasher(next to my daughter) but I couldn't come up with anything worth posting. Maybe I need to drink more wine.
Candy said…
Awww... but it's true. Tom and I have been married for over 14 years - and ya know, he STILL leaves his underwear behind the bathroom when he takes a shower (seriously, PICK THEM UP). *laugh*

Good to see you have a blog, Barb... I dunno how I didn't find it before!

Oh, and I'm with you on summer vacation - and Jamie just finished Kinder - I'm so ready for him to go back. He wanders around "bored" - Do they let boys in that dance camp?