An Unexpected Love Thursday

So, I was all set to write a smooshy Love Thursday piece about these lilies because in the seven years we've lived in this house, they have never bloomed and they are blooming now. This is pretty cool because these lilies came from my husband's childhood home and I believe they originally came over to this country from Cuba when his grandparents came over.



Warning: Big Metaphor Ahead:

We moved them with us when we moved but it's taken this long for them to have put down enough roots and feel at home enough to bloom. Seven years.

Pretty good, huh? And deep --I'm so proud. Deep Thoughts by Barb Cooper.

So anyway, I was working on my blog post this morning when I got a call from the elementary school nurse. Naturally, by the time I found the phone and answered it, it had gone to voicemail and the message (essentially) said this, "Mrs. Cooper? This is [School Nurse] at [School Name] Elementary. I have Jane here in the office and she has a foreign object lodged in her ear."

I dial her back and I'm thinking, "OH MY GOSH, IT'S A MERCEDES!"

I don't know. I seem to be given to exaggeration.

So, I talked to the nurse and it turns out that Jane was running on the playground and someone threw a bead into her ear.

Ya know, that just didn't even surprise me. I totally bought that story, hook, line and sinker because you know what? That is EXACTLY the kind of thing that could happen to Jane. She's a Magnet for Trouble, as we like to say to her in order to reinforce that fact as often as possible.

I call my beloved Dr. Reidy's office to see if she can see Jane to extract this foreign object from Jane's ear and they, totally the best practice ever, say, "Bring her right in."

I race up to the school, still in my biking shorts (because I like to wear spandex with a big bulky pad in it whenever I am trying to make a good first impression. This is the NEW School Nurse. The former School Nurse was on a first-name basis with me and had my number on speed dial.)

I hold Jane for a bit, because she's the kind of kid who can be tough as nails until she sees her mommy coming and then she just loses it. She is sobbing. She tells me that there were some boys throwing rocks and these B.B. things and one went in her ear. She, get this, asks me tearfully is I would mind coming up to the playground and clearing all the B.B.s off of it now that I am no longer working. Of course, I will, sweet girl. Of course I will.

Inside I am thinking, "And just wait until I catch the boys who were throwing things. Could I be kicked off the Booster Club for using a foreign object on their heads?"

We drive over to the doctor's office. I so love Dr. Reidy that I'd like to have her move right on in with us and she now has her own practice, here. She's a friend and she reads my blog periodically so she's way up on all the latest Cooper news. She tells me some news of her own, all the while using this thing

to remove THIS thing

from Jane's ear.

Hmm... which of these things belongs in a child's ear?

If you guessed NEITHER, you win the PRIZE!!

But you might not want it because it's a B.B that has been in someone's ear!!

Dr. Reidy gives me both the bead and the implement because she knows I'll want to take pictures for the blog. (Is she great or what?)

So, Jane and I go out for lunch and ice cream because I feel the need to make up a new Cooper Family Rule: If you have to go to the doctor to have a foreign object removed from your ear with a long pointy thing, you get to go have ice cream. I feel so silly that I didn't think of this rule earlier.

Then I take Jane back to school. I show everyone in the school office the bead and the blue implement thing. I tell the story of how the boys threw the B.B. --it doesn't have a hole in it so I guess it's not technically a bead. I see the counselor in the hallway and she asks after Jane and I tell her about the boys throwing rocks and green FOREIGN OBJECTS and she is very concerned and says that is really a safety issue and she will look into it.

I take Jane back to her classroom. I see the teacher, whom we call Ms. Walks on Water because we love her so much. I say, "Can you believe some boy threw that bead thing in Jane's ear??"

"Is that what she told you?"

Ms. WOW looks hard at Jane. Right in the eyes.

Very quietly, she says, "Tell your mother how that bead got in your ear."

Jane doesn't miss a beat. "I put it in there."

Ms. WOW is looking at me curiously, because, of course, she can't believe how freaking gullible I am.

*I* can't believe how freaking gullible I am. Can't you just hear it, some ten years from now? "I don't know, Mom, the window just CAME open and a large gust of wind sucked me outside and down that tree and a car load of my friends just happened to be driving by..."

"I can totally see how that could happen."

So, I had to retrace my steps and tell everyone what an idiot I am and how gullible and it strikes me at some point while we're all laughing-- you know, at me -- that I really feel at home in my children's school and I really like all the people who work there and I really love my life. Seven years to bloom --that seems about right for a lot of us.

(OOOH, am I good or what?)

Also, it occurs to me that I really, really, really love my little Hurricane Jane.


Suna Kendall said…
BWA HA HA HA! Again you make me laugh aloud! I have one of those little angelic fabricators of nontruths, too, and he will stick by a story even in the face of direct evidence to the contrary. Like, no he wasn't biting his toenails, which caused an ingrown toenail operation to have to occur on both big toes. Yup. And that was less fun than the bead incident. At least I didn't have to retract my tales to others!

Hope she enjoyed her ice cream. Now she will have to eat some crow.
hokgardner said…
I laughed out loud. That is so something Lily would do. Like yesterday when she punched her sister in the car. I said, "Lily, did you punch your sister?" She said she didn't, and Ella protested loudly that Lily was lying. I asked her again, and she said, "I didn't punch Ella. A punch is when you hold your hand like this (demonstrates). I had her with my hand like this (another demonstration)." Into timeout she went.

But I do like the rule about going for ice cream when someone has to stick a sharp pointy thing in your ear!
Unknown said…
Yeah, I kinda saw that one coming... not that I put anything in my ear when I was a kid or anything...

So, let me get this straight... she put a bead in her ear and for doing that she got lots of cuddles and talks with mom AND ice cream? Dude, where's that bead? *laugh*
Kerry said…
In your defense, she snowed the nurse first, and nurses are not easy to snow! How funny. At least it wasn't a bean that sprouted. Although if it could have been a bulb that would have tied in nicely. Oh well, better luck next time! :)
Anonymous said…
My favorite kid logic isn't actually from me, I read it somewhere. Pressed to explain a fight, the older child swore, "It all started when he hit me back."
Jane is too old to think you'd buy that though.
I love that teacher. Nothing like someone who sees right through our kids! Yay for them!
And one last thing,
Will you be my mommy? Please?

Sarah S.
Motherwise said…
Oh, you made me laugh. You made my cry. Great post. And you really need to work on that gullible thing before Jane grows into the teens. (Think foreign objects...)
Ei said…
Oh, I had something like that happen last year, but the gullible one, at least in that situation was the XH...which of course made me and the teacher smirk at each other in superior lie detectorship. But it could have easily gone the other way.

Sounds like Jane would get along well with my Ly Bear. They both love trains and lying about stuffing things in their ears. I know she's a bit older than he, but he is charming! And handsome! And smarter than me!
Anonymous said…
So the thing is -- or in my case, was -- a firecracker. It didn't land in my ear (thank the stars.) It landed, lit, in my back pocket.

Summer camp, July 5, Nineteen Hundred And Mumblety-Mumble. We'd gone out to the fireworks the night before, and some of the kids had bought Their Very Own Firecrackers. And I happened to be walking by them that next day.

They swore, afterward, that they did not put the firecracker, lit, in my back pocket. Their story was that they threw it towards me, wanting to give me a fright, no more than that, honest. But the shorts I was wearing had these baggy pockets in the rear, and, well, how could they have known...?

They did say they were sorry. Repeatedly.

I wasn't sure if I should believe them, but I did and still do. Mostly. Kinda.

-- Dan
Barb Matijevich said…
Dudes, this is the greatest bunch of comments I've ever had! Except when I got to the one by Motherwise, I had to put my head between my knees and breathe very deeply as I realized the implications thereof. Jinkies!

Dan, I want you to know that if you believe it, *I* believe it. I can totally see how that could happen. I'm glad you lived to sit again.
Curmudgeoness said…
Barb, two -- no, four things come to mind:

1) There is a great story, "Charles," that I have in one of the kids' books. You should read it.

2) When she was little, my sister once nearly burned down the house. She tried to tell my mother that a bird had flown in through the (closed) window, (at night) and had dropped a piece of paper in a burning candle. This was after she professed complete ignorance as to how the bits of ash came to be all over the carpet. My mother is not so gullible, though. :-)

3) My dear son B, who wants to grow hiw hair down to his waist, realized his bangs needed a trim. So, he cut two big chunks out of his bangs -- one chunk over each eye -- so he could see where he was going. When we asked him what had happened, he claimed he had no idea what we were talking about.

4) Most importantly: I think the rule about going for ice cream after having foreign objects removed from one's ear is sweet but potentially dangerous. Around here, at least, there is one person who really would shove a Mercedes in his ear to get ice cream.
Ei said…
Curmudgoness, you never TELL anyone these rules do you? Oh my.
ckh said…
I'm with you, Barb. I'd rather assume my kids were being honest than to automatically assume they're making it all up. It could happen. Jane didn't get away with it, but maybe she'll learn something about betraying your trust. That lesson is worth your gullibility.
Ry said…
"Dr. Reidy gives me both the bead and the implement because she knows I'll want to take pictures for the blog. (Is she great or what?)"

That doctor rules!
Anonymous said…
I needed to read this to feel like I'm not alone in the stuff my kids put me through. Thanks!
Karmon said…
I am doing my best not to LOL! Too funny!