Next Time, I'll Probably Get Arrested

I would absolutely love to report that I didn't just almost have a psychotic break of some sort at the Grocery Store but unfortunately, I cannot.

Honestly, I guess it was time for a complete meltdown --I've been on this awfully even keel for months now. But it still surprised me because I had a migraine and I had taken my Imitrex which normally mellows me out to the point of coma.

I was on my way home from Jane's soccer game. (See the cute Janie. Enjoy it. Because, for most of the time, she looked like THIS. Oh, look, she's crying AND pouting. I think it's amazing that she can multi-task that way.)

So, I was on my way home from her game and I needed to go to the grocery store because Monday is my housekeeper's daughter's 14th birthday and that meant we all had an excuse to eat horrible store-bought cake with that unbelievably awful and addictive frosting, right? But unfortunately, I hadn't eaten so maybe that was a contributing factor. At any rate, I pulled up behind some dear sweet old thing in a red SUV --does anyone actually drive CARS in our neighborhood? --and I was waiting patiently behind her because she was waiting for someone to pull out of a handicapped space.

"It's okay," I think, "because the spot NEXT to the handicapped space is opening up and I'll just pull in there. Look how my patience is being rewarded. See, it's a good world."

Then a blue minivan pulls around both of us and snipes that parking space.

"That's okay. That's okay. Some people were clearly raised by wolves, right? I am fine because I am adjusting my Karma so completely by waiting for this poor old woman to get her parking space, which she will pull into about the time Ana graduates from high school, I guess. Nothing can ruffle me and look, my reward, the space next to the handicapped space on the OTHER side, is opening up. Dude, is it amazing how things like this happen and the Universe sends us messages about how if we are patient and play the game nicely, we are rewarded? What a good world this is. And you know, that woman in the mini van? May she find that nothing she wants to buy is on sale.

No, no, no. I am not going to lower myself to wish ill on that parking place slut thief. Because I know how Karma works and that will come right back to bite me. Okay, is this woman ever going to pull into her parking place. I mean, ever while I'm living?"

The red SUV finally gets its parking spot(kiss kiss to you, nice old woman. No, really.) and just as I am about to zoom into my just reward, this sneaky Volvo cuts me off and steals my parking space.

I saw red. Seriously, I felt something snap somewhere behind my eyes.

Honestly, I haven't been that mad since 1998 when I was extremely post-partum-ish and Sydney dug up my newly potted plants.

All the unfairness of the entire world--having to spend time cajoling Jane into playing soccer after she begged us to pay three million dollars to let her play, my migraines, and the senseless war, and the cancer that is killing my friends and the on-going endless recovery from my foot surgery, the stress my husband is under from work and the fact that I had argued with Ana that morning about keeping the wrapper of a book we no longer even own--all of that came crashing down and settled in a red haze on the silver Volvo that stole my parking spot.

I rolled down my window, and I laid on the horn! By God, I would give her a piece of my mind. "Did you not see me waiting for that space?" I said, with such rage in my voice that she said, "Um, I guess I could back out."

I was filled with incoherent and apparently MUTE rage because I drove and parked in an aisle and hobbled into the store, my heart racing and my mind filled with INCREDIBLY cutting things I could have said to that woman. I shopped WITH A VENGEANCE.

And almost everything I bought was on sale.

Still, you know, it's a bit unsettling to be that angry. I was seriously thinking that I could have done that woman HARM.

For stealing my parking place.

I think we have to move.

I did finish my socks, though, finally. The first picture is taken up against my stocked-but-seeing-very-little-action wine fridge. Total in the wine fund: $99

And then my husband took these pictures. I got all weak-kneed when he suggested he also photograph the sock from the side so people could see the heel.


Kerry said…
Those socks rock!

I can so relate to the rage associated with PEOPLE! UGH. I really wish I could have my own island because people can be so stupid and selfish. That said, Karma can be a bitch too. Did you read my post about the printer? I got kicked in the butt big time, and I'm sure those parking spot thieves did as well.
Unknown said…
No wonder you are all excited. Beautiful socks, well executed. I think your ginger pussy is very cute too. As for your previous commenter on stupid and selfish people-don't get me started!
Anonymous said…
Barb! Move to Bastrop where everyone drives about 20 miles an hour--especially on the highway! The combination of elderly people (bless their hearts) and giant tractors is enough to teach even me a little patience. (Not much, but a little.)

Deep breaths.......

The piano tuner
N. Maria said…
That sounds just like in the movie "Fried Green Tomatoes"!!
If you haven't seen it, DO! Then the next time that happens, TaWanda!
pinkangel said…
Well I must admit that I think we all have been there done that.......oh how I try to be patient.....Must say though that I enjoyed reading it......On another note the pic of Janie pouting is priceless. I love it.
Diane FL
Anonymous said…
Wow, I never knew that others felt the "snapping behind the eyes" thing. Well said. I was very familiar with that feeling when I lived where you do, and I've even done the rolling down the window to give a piece of my mind thing. I haven't done that here. For all its faults, BFE has its good points. I did shoot someone the finger once because someone honked at me. Then I felt bad because I realized they were probably waving...perhaps one of the parents of one of my students? Ack. Anyway, now whenever anyone behaves like that car (rare), I want to say, "What, do you think you live in Austin or something? Slow down!"
P. Harper said…
Barb, I know how you feel about not getting a good parking space. It happened to me when I took off work to attend grandparents day at the school. There was not one space to be had unless I parked on a street 2-3 blocks away. I gave up and went back to work! Then called the school to give them what for because they really should have anticipated the parking problem.
Anonymous said…
parking lots in general are enough to try the patience of a saint - and the fact that half the people out there got their drivers licenses on ebay(may dad used to say sears mail-order) - well I expect to see a whole series on the evening news about 'parking lot rage' - anytime soon.
Love the socks
Anonymous said…
You go girl! that's a pretty colorway. What yarn did you use? Maybe you said, but I have a memory as long as a flea's.
Anonymous said…
I loved this post; now I know what to say when a job interviewer asks, "Give me an example of your multitasking". My answer, "I can cry AND pout".

Lovely socks, by the way!
Oh, wow - your post made me remember something that happened about 20 years ago, back when I was a young, independent woman who knew I would never grow into a poor pathetic loser like the woman in the parking lot who yelled at me because I pulled all the way through one spot into the spot in front of it (so I could park facing out). Turns out this woman had been waiting for that particular spot. And she was yelling at me as I exited my car and headed for the store, "Parking spots are for backing out of!" And I thought, "Gee, woman, get a life, huh?", not realizing of course, that that woman did have a life and it just happened to be driving her crazy at the moment, like mine does to me now that I am a middle-aged pathetic loser too.

Sure wish I could apologize to her now....
Brenda said…
these are beautiful!!!
Barb Matijevich said…
I'm sure she got over it. With a lot of therapy and chocolate.

I'm over the whole thing now but it is just so incredibly indicative of our neighborhood. It's a MICROCOSM of all of the arrogant, crappy entitlement issues that arise in this plastic culture every day.

See how over it I am?
Lynn said…
OK, if you do get arrested, I'll bake a cake with some Addi Lace needles in it so you can pick the lock.

Oh wait, that might melt the cables.


Kudos on the $99 in the not-drinking-wine fund, and on the gorgeous socks.
MadMad said…
Ooooh, a man who knows the importance of a sock heel! It could almost makes up for jerks at the supermarket...
Unknown said…
You have read/seen Fried Green Tomatoes, I assume? Sometimes I find it therapeutic to yell "Towanda" with the windows rolled up.

I love the socks.
Ei said…
I found someone parked in my driveway after a very long day of moving cleaning etc yesterday. The kids were screaming at each other and I could feel blood dripping down my forehead from the burst vessels...I was so close to ramming it. Good thing I didn't it was my new landlord.

Socks pretty. Ei needs sleep.