Them In Coffee

I got some Spam with that subject line today and it seemed appropriate since we were talking about Seattle. Seattle has a LOT of coffee places. It's the birthplace of Starbucks, for example. You can visit the original store, which initially only sold coffee beans until the late 1980's when it started making coffee drinks and an Empire Was Born. I love me some Starbucks, although I try to visit local coffee places when possible to support the non-behemoth establishment, doncha know. But I love Starbucks for the consistency of its coffee and the friendly, efficient and quick staff people.

I did meet one this trip who made this odd... um... sound at me. I went to order something but my mouth wasn't working right so I made that obligatory joke about it being impossible to order coffee before you've HAD coffee and she looked up at me, smirked and made this...sound. It's hard to put into consonants and vowels but it was sort of like this, "heeeeerrrrrn."

As in, "God, I haven't heard THAT joke more than 60,000 times TODAY, you more-ON. You damn tourists are ruining our slacker, grunge, tattooed vibe and if one more person makes some cliched joke in a perky little southern accent, I'm going to SPIT IN HER COFFEE."

I mean, if it were possible to sum all that up in one sound, this would be the sound. I don't really blame her or anything but it didn't increase the size of her tip, either.

My other favorite coffee moment in Seattle was as I was approaching a Starbucks and saw these two foreign men standing directly outside of it having a very animated conversation. I couldn't pinpoint the accent but as I slipped past them and into the store, I overheard THIS:

Man 1: "And THEN you squeeze it?"

Man 2: "No! NO! You don't SQUEEZE it! There is NO SQUEEZING! Never do you squeeze it, NO!"

After a doppio espresso, this was darn funny.

(I am still trying to figure out what they were talking about, though.)

I'm waiting for my husband to upload the pictures we took in Seattle so I can tell you about Pike's Market and the conveyor-belt sushi place but it might have to wait because he's got a bad cold and I don't want to add to his to-do list. I left the camera with him and he's still there until late tomorrow.

Someone impersonating my parents stayed with my children over the weekend and didn't take a single picture. Okay, maybe it WAS my parents. Maybe they were just really busy --especially my mother, since I notice that she managed to trim my enormous ficus tree, as well as organize the condiments in my refrigerator into rows by size.


Anonymous said…
You tip the lady who serves you your coffee at Starbucks! Get out!!
Barb Matijevich said…
Wait, you don't? Even if she doesn't growl at you?
hokgardner said…
I have a hard time tipping counter people. I mean it's their job to serve us quickly at the counter, and they don't make the pitiful waiter wages and rely on tips like real waiters do. If it's a place I go to frequently and I get to know the staff, I'm likely to leave a buck in the tip jar.
hokgardner said…
I should clarify - I know most counter people don't make tons of money, but they make more than waiters do. At least I did when I worked at TCBY in college.
Barb Matijevich said…
I am just a huge patsy. I go around over-tipping the world. I tip delivery people and the maids in hotels and pizza people. I have such guilt over leading such a blessed life taht I feel the need to give it away, I guess.

My husband is probably REALLy appreciative of this trait, what with funding all this generosity and all.
DK said…
I, too, am a complusive over-tipper, but being the Starbucks frequenter that I am, I know how much craziness they put up with from the customers for crap pay. And I also know how often my tipping my regular baristas gets my stuff comped...
hokgardner said…
I do tip maids at the hotel and I tend to over tip pizza people and the pedicure lady.
Anonymous said…
Oh pleeeze send your parents over to my house. I don't care if they take pictures or not!

You know, I have tried (literally) every single coffeehouse in Austin, and I still like Starbucks the best. They have a good product. I wanted not to like them, really!
ckh said…
I just got an email from Cafe Press with coffee slogans and I had to share it with someone and with this particular post, it seems appropriate here.

Decaffeinated Coffee!! Useless, warm brown water

I like my men how I like my coffee - ground up and in the freezer

A morning without coffee is like something without... something else

And my favorite (since I'm a poor sleeper, too)...

Coffee! You can sleep when you're dead!

Thanks for letting me share.

Oh, and I love Starbucks because of the consistency, too. And I'm sort of a wimp - so when I buy my favorite white chocolate mocha all over the place, I find that it's actually Starbucks that makes it better than everyone else. So there's that.
Anonymous said…
I'm currently avoiding Starbucks. They moved into our cute little Texas town and I'm afraid they'll put the d-lish mom and pop coffee shop out of business. Grrr.

What I really want to talk about is the overheard Squeeze conversation. For some reason, I started giggling as I read it...and read it...and read it to my husband again.

Thanks for the continued humor!